Me.
The Hourglass.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A vault of secrets - a place only we know. In here I see the markings of our past, our present, and the hazy image of our future. And in the corner, hiding behind the portraits of familiar faces - an hourglass made from the finest of wood.
The sands are flowing and the hourglass is almost spent - do I turn it and allow another hour to pass?
While I cannot clearly recall, I know that I've turned it alone all too many times. It is no wonder then that these arms no longer know their strength. Frail, with too many cuts and bruises to care for.
There will come a time when they will fail me. And when that day comes, do not speak my name in disdain. I am not to be blamed for it all.
Today, maybe just one more time. I'll turn the hourglass, and wait till the sands stop falling. Maybe the next time it's spent, I'll have you to turn it with me.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 5:20 PM 0 comment(s)
Life After Death.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
from Geek & PokeAlmost every culture/religion believes in some form of life after death. Whether it be rebirth, reincarnation, or merely ascending to a higher plane (Heaven/Hell) - these cultures/religions emphasize on the fact that when we die, we're not going to be confined in a buried box forever. Of course, where we go/what we become when we ascend/reincarnate is a different thing altogether.
That's as far as my knowledge goes on life after death. Do good, go to Heaven/reincarnate as a handsome prince. Be bad, have fun in Hell/reincarnate as a dung beetle.
But what if it were different? What if the term "Life after Death" truly meant life after death? To explain further... What if in reality I died tonight, but I lived on in my own reality tomorrow? A reality filled with the same people, the same places, and the same problems that I had when I was alive? The question is...
... What if I continued living tomorrow, as though I never died today?
Is this possible?
The thought occurred to me minutes after my crash, when I calmed myself down. I stood there in disbelief - the amount of damage was insane, and there I was standing with merely a few cuts on my arm. My parents and uncle claimed I was lucky to be alive, and even the chief mechanic was surprised to see me me when I told him I was the one driving the car. Everyone had the same idea: the driver involved in this accident should have died, or at least be lying in some hospital bed.
Let us imagine two realities now. The first reality (A), is the one we currently reside in. The second and third reality, (B) and (C), we will get to shortly. In (A), everything is as it is - having dinner with your friends, watching a movie with a loved one, chatting on the Internet, etc. You are a part of this reality. Now let's pretend that while in (A), you died. This is where reality (B) and (C) comes in.
You die in reality (A), no doubt about it. Your friends and family mourn, and they will forever lead their lives without you beside them.
You, however, continue living in reality (C).
Example: You have a heart attack and die. That's reality (B) for everyone else - a reality where you cease to exist. But to you, you had a heart attack, and you survived. That's reality (C) for you.
What if your mind had the power to create a completely new reality for you upon your death? A reality fabricated from your memory of things, understanding of human behaviour, general perceptions of your surroundings, and from your hopes and fears?
The design of your world will be based on your memory, and advancements in structure would largely depend on harnessing your imagination. The daily barrage of responses from your friends, family, and strangers will depend on your own emotional bond and experience with these people. What responses and when they would be used would depend on a highly complex internal algorithm which would weigh every little detail concerning the situation.
To put it simply, your "new life" is programmed on the day you die, using all the material (experience) you've obtained throughout your actual life. This is sort of a defense mechanism - instinct provokes a reaction out of every living thing when it is threatened. If it were threatened with the ultimate moment - death - what is the body capable of? It has been proven after all - life is far too precious. So what can the mind and body do to keep you "alive"?
I remember telling Kimberley that I may actually be dead, and my conversation with her was merely a part of a pre-programmed situation. She hit me on the hand, stating that if I felt it, I'm definitely not dead. I wasn't convinced - I daresay I know her well enough, and it's quite possible that her very reaction to my question was what I would've expected from her if I truly believed myself to be alive at the time.
Now, the question that arises here is: what will run this "new life"? I asked a few people on their perception of life after death, and Banun said something interesting:-
Energy can't be created or destroyed. So when you, loosely speaking, 'die' - meaning all your organs stop working and your brain stops converting energy to chemical energy (i.e thoughts and stuff), all that energy that was working - involuntary muscles, heartbeats, etc, is just gone. Or at least, converted into some sort of potential energy which is transferred to the ground when we decompose. Right? I mean, we learn about the whole.. food chain thing where 10% of energy is transferred each time an organism is eaten and the other 90% is used up during consumption. So basically, we're just spread around the world.
I had a similar idea. Now what if the human mind had a way of collecting all that energy, using some to create a new reality, then keeping the rest intact someway to sustain the newly created reality?
I know for a fact that the human mind is not fully understood, even with all our advancements in science today. What if this was one of the mind's abilities?
Now, what if we decide to look at it from a spiritual point of view? I was taught as a young boy that when Muslims die, we are destined to wait in our graves for the day of judgement. If we were good in life, our time spent in the grave would feel short, and we'd have a lot of space to move about in our coffins. If we sinned a lot in life, then the walls of our coffins would close on us and judgement day would seem an eternity away.
Try not taking it literally. If you led a good life, it's likely that upon death your "new life" will be programmed to be fairly simple and with problems which you can naturally confront and end. If you led a sinful life, then your "new life" will be programmed for hardships beyond your ability to comprehend. The idea behind here is that in general, our problems lead us to make decisions, for right or wrong, and our methods to making these decisions come to light. Our consciousness determines if what we do is truly acceptable by our standards - if it is, then we are altogether more light-hearted. If it isn't, then we're held down by it (consciously or subconsciously).
** This was particularly difficult to explain. I will edit this section as soon as I find a better way to present it. **
This is my justification (spiritually), based on my knowledge of Islam. I will not make any say on other religions/cultures as I do not know enough about them.
I ask the more open minded ones: what do you think? Is this plausible? This is a very rough idea (of course, largely stemming from the fact that I have no life and too much of an imagination), and I'm keen on expanding it. Death is too mysterious to ignore.
This whole post has been fairly messy - this particular thought of mine hasn't been very easy to put down in words. I apologise. I hope you understand that I'm merely contemplating and in no way insulting any long-believed trends/traditions.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:32 PM 3 comment(s)
Angry.
Friday, February 20, 2009
I am trying very hard to find the words to express how pissed I am with a lot of things right now. This post is probably going to be filled with a lot of things people wouldn't like to read, so if you want to keep that smile on your face - get off and on to another fucking page.
I am just pissed. Plain and simple. Why? Fuck you, I'm not going to give you my reasons here. It's a lucky thing that I'm stuck here at home, because I swear if I were out, I'd have my fist in someone's face.
I am so angry I'm shaking all over the place. I am not happy with what I see, I am damn well not happy with what I hear, and fuck you if you think I could very well ignore everything that's wrong in the first place. Fuck you.
The only reason I'm even on this fucked up page is because I feel blogging might help me calm down a little. Might help - safe to say we'll have to wait a couple of hours before any effect might show.
I want to bruise someone right now. I want to grab someone's arm, twist it and hear them scream their fucking nuts off as their bones break. I want to swing my fist into someone's face, and Godfuckingdamnit I want to see their teeth fall out. I want to make someone bleed, or fucking bleed myself dry trying. The only thing that's keeping me inside is the fact that I've got no fucking car, and for that some bloody bastard out there better be thankful for.
Fuck you. Honestly, fuck you. Just... Fuck you.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:06 PM 0 comment(s)
So Long, Farewell.
Yesterday, one of my closest friends departed for Australia, to further his studies in I.T.
Though I know I'll see him in a few months time (when his term break comes around), it was a fairly sombre moment for me.
There were just a little more than a handful of us there yesterday to send him off - Aliff, Amir, Arnold, Kumar, Victor, Weng Chi, Yip, and myself - everyone else was pretty busy (to my knowledge).
Words cannot express how much I'm going to miss that damn Indian. Sure, time may fly fast, but it'll never fly fast enough. Especially not when it comes to Thilagan. He's always been an incredible friend, and I can't say I'm a little envious of those Aussies for having him around.
Suddenly I'm reminded of all the times we played foosball together. He was only ever good for "sayur" shots, and he was pretty good at it. And he was my main pool partner - I never played pool with anyone quite as much as I did with him. Then there's the assignments! Always the intelligent bastard. Thank God for him, because I'd have failed a helluva lot more subjects if not for all his help.
My gosh. I'm talking about him as if he's dead and gone. There's a lot more to him, of course, but whatever eh? I'm just in the mood for a simple post, and this is what it'll be.
Thilagan! Though it's very likely you'll never read this, once again: All the best my friend. I'll be waiting patiently for you to come back home - hopefully I'll be good enough to teach you a lesson or two in pool by then :P
Till then.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:45 PM 0 comment(s)
When 'G's Look Like 'C's.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I really need to get my eyes checked soon. Things aren't as clear as they used to be, and it's giving me headaches just looking at the screen.
I used to eat breakfast and read the newspaper without my glasses on! Now I need them on if I'm to make out anything that's published. I'm not sure why it got this bad so fast.
Just as well I guess - I'm in need of new contacts.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:37 PM 0 comment(s)
Misread, Mislead, Misery.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
It's only been a little more than three weeks since we had a decent conversation - one that we were both comfortable in. Only a little more than three weeks.
I swear to you, it feels so much longer like that. Almost... like a goddamn eternity. Or something close to it. If I didn't look at the calendar today and say "Hey, it's only the 17th", I could easily be deceived into believing we've not spoken to one another for half a year.
Sigh.
How much longer till we're both ready?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:07 PM 0 comment(s)
Something Mathematical.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:42 PM 0 comment(s)
Of Course, There's Always Room For A Witty Title.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
:(
***
Here's a quick one:-
Changeling: Good.
Slumdog Millionaire: Very very good.
Watch them.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:28 AM 0 comment(s)
Snow Globe.
Monday, February 9, 2009
My head is like a snow globe that's been shaken hard - everything's all over the place.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:20 AM 0 comment(s)
Looking Into Someone Else's Mirror.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
I was reading one of my copies of the National Geographic Magazine when I stumbled across a very interesting article. The introduction reads:-
To judge by appearance, this is one misfit beast. Car-size and blimp-shaped, on land it's usually found lolling around. Sure, it's no supermodel, but underneath the blubbery disguise it turns out to be a superhero - its life a series of magnificent feats.
I know. I was stunned too - after all these years, FINALLY! The people at Nat Geo Mag finally recognized my awesomeness, and decided to do an article about me! MEEEE! You wouldn't believe how excited I was after reading those few lines.
Unfortunately, my excitement was short-lived. Reading further, I found out that the article was actually about elephant seals. To think! That description fit me perfectly, but it wasn't meant for me! It was for some dumb elephant seal.
Do you know what an elephant seal looks like?
Here you go:-
'Sup?Exactly. That thing is huge and not-too-pretty.
I thought to myself: this is wrong - am I really that similar to an elephant seal?
That's when I decided to take a test. I took a photo of myself, to compare with the one above.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OhmyfuckingGod..Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:08 PM 7 comment(s)