Me.

My photo
Possibly intelligent.

Burning Paper.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Is it time for me to put it all into words? Maybe.


I don't know if it shows in my previous posts, but writing.. no, expressing myself hasn't been as easy as it once was. Often I find myself sitting in solitude, contemplating a hundred different emotions, questioning every little detail about my life, my direction. Questioning, me.

And just as I sit down to put those very thoughts into words, they escape me. Not completely, but enough of it is lost - it makes me wonder why I bothered to place my fingers on a keyboard in the first place.

I came here today with a confession - and like so many times before, I'm at a loss for words.

How can writing be therapuetical when one can't write?

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:05 PM 0 comment(s)  

Still Indecisive.
Monday, May 25, 2009

Which one? I look at A and I think of B, I look at B and I think of C, I look at C, and I think of A. So really - which one? I can't waste anymore time.

I don't have anymore time.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:09 PM 0 comment(s)  

Distractions.
Saturday, May 23, 2009

If I can't find meaning now, then I'll keep myself attached to these distractions. It's easier to keep myself afloat that way.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 2:26 AM 0 comment(s)  

A Cocktail of Feelings.
Thursday, May 21, 2009

Tired.

                                Excited.
Unhappy.
Pleased.
       Annoyed.
Content.
                                                 Confused.
Angry.
In love.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:26 PM 0 comment(s)  

Seasick Sailor.
Sunday, May 17, 2009

We aren't the same anymore. Though we've acknowledged it many times, and though we've tried to take ourselves down that very road we were so pleased to travel only too long ago, our efforts have all been in vain. Do you think that it ever truly helped? We would make amends, and free ourselves of the guilt that supposedly weighed us down, only to laugh for a minute, and then return to our separate paths - paths which we believe we can now tread ourselves, paths we no longer care to share.

I wonder sometimes, do we really care for the conversations we put ourselves in, or is it just for the sake of appearances?

Maybe I am wrong to even think this way, but I will not apologize for it. This is how I feel tonight, and this is the story I will read to myself before I go to bed. Will I think the same way tomorrow? Maybe, maybe not - I can never tell, not with the way my mind works, not with the way my emotions fluctuate.








It's a quiet night.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:36 PM 0 comment(s)  

Sudirman Cup Semi Finals.

Did you watch the Sudirman Cup Semi Finals between Malaysia and China? I didn't catch it live, unfortunately (I completely forgot about it, shame on me), so I caught the replay instead.


I love watching Lee Chong Wei and Lin Dan play against each other. As you most likely know already by now, Lee Chong Wei lost to Lin Dan in straight sets - but he did well. There were some minor mistakes here and there, but Chong Wei was on form - Lin Dan was just better. What I love most about the games between these two is not the pace, not the intensity of the games itself, but what comes after the game is done. These two have such an enormous amount of respect for each other, and they are so dedicated to their games that it shows so much - the joy of winning, the despair from losing, the acknowledgement of each other's ability. Such sportmanship! I've yet to see that level of sportsmanship and respect for any player as much as Chong Wei's and Lin Dan's.

And of course, what about the Men's Doubles - Malaysia's Koo Kien Keat/Tan Boon Heong against China's Cai Yun/Fu Haifeng? One word: Incredible. Watching Kien Keat and Boon Heong has always been awesome, and the fact that they had to play against China's world #1 ranked players made it so much more enjoyable to watch.

Unfortunately, Malaysia's battle for the Sudirman Cup has ended. But there's always next time. It's overused, but: Malaysia Boleh.

:D

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 4:20 PM 0 comment(s)  

An Old Hobby.
Saturday, May 16, 2009

I am tempted to return to an old hobby of mine: trading card games and miniatures (such as Dungeons and Dragons, Mage Knights and HeroClix).

Problem is, with these games, the only people I can ever play with are my brothers. We've always been involved in games like these, sometimes even joining tournaments. It would be a lot nicer to play with people aside from them - or better yet, play with them and others! I remember our many large scale battles played over the dinner table - we designed our own terrain and we'd wage wars with our miniature figures, battling to the death for supremacy. Everything always seemed epic. It often took hours for us to determine a winner - results were never the same.

I miss those days.

I'd like to get back into it, but it is extremely expensive. My brothers and I cut cost among one another by sharing our pieces - it made army selection easier, and reduced cost drastically. Or maybe.. I should just redownload the rules for Mage Knight (I have over 300 miniature figures), and restart the game with my brothers, instead of hopping into a new miniatures game. That'll be cheaper.

Besides, I miss using my old and faithful Temple Lord.


Ahh, the number of victories you led me to.

I'm so excited!

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 4:31 PM 0 comment(s)  

Mutt.
Friday, May 15, 2009

Sometimes, I feel like I'm nothing more than a dog - curled up in my corner, waiting for my masters to come home.


And no matter how they may treat me - I'll wag my tail for them, and wait for that much-wanted pat on the head.

Just like a dog.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:53 PM 0 comment(s)  

Me, #52.
Monday, May 11, 2009

I look up to a hundred different people, but I aspire to be no one but myself.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:56 PM 0 comment(s)  

Hadirmu.
Thursday, May 7, 2009

I was listening to the above titled song just ten minutes ago, and I swear I had the biggest smile plastered across my face.


I imagine that my future partner will have a voice that will complement mine, and we'll sing this song on a beautiful day, out in the public, with my arms wrapped around her.

What? I can dream a little, can't I?

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:37 AM 0 comment(s)  

Behind The Curtains.
Monday, May 4, 2009

Ha ha ha. I just realized... a post is missing from this blog. One where I was talking about a certain person who told too many lies, and how pissed I was at it.

Two minutes ago, as I was clearing my blog of saved-but-unpublished-posts, I found that post. It was - curiously enough - labeled as a draft. I know very well that I published it, and I certainly remember it having at least five comments. Curious isn't it? Scroll through my blog and you won't find that post anymore - it and the comments that came with it are gone.

To refresh your memory, here's the post:-

Walking On Lies

Some people are full of shit. I can't understand the need to make up all those stories, or to affiliate yourself with people you don't even know.

What's worse? This time you've cooked up some cock story involving your family. Nothing of the sort is happening (and I should know), and if your cooked up events ever magically come true, I wonder: how would you feel?

You think I'm not reading. You think I don't know. I know my way around, and I can find anything, anywhere, anytime I want.

Go ahead and weave your tales of turmoil - you and I both know they're just that: tales. Seems like all you really want is attention - even if it's from nothing more but sympathy.

Trust me: it's all going to come back and bite you in the ass one day. And you'll have far too many regrets then. Oh, and when it does? I'll be laughing at your sorry behind.

Laughing all the bloody way.

For those of you who follow my blog, I'm sure you remember it.

You're an intelligent fuck, aren't you? You waited till I flooded the front page with new posts, waited till this post was out of the limelight, and then you logged into my account, and removed it, didn't you? Just because I have a universal password for almost everything. You intelligent, conniving, sneaky fuck.

That's the only explanation, and I know well enough what you're capable of. You're just making it more and more difficult for me to trust you, and that's going to spillover onto everyone you know - slowly but surely.

In fact, don't count on me being as silent as I was before, alright? If and when it pleases me, I'll expose you for the fraud you are.

Two can play at being sneaky and manipulative. And you know what a capable puppeteer I am, don't you? Trust me, I'm not going to stand on a pedestal and announce your identity to the world - I'm going to pull the right strings, whisper insecurities into everything around you, tie traps to the corners of your mouth - you're going to end up unmasking yourself.

That's how I play.

This is going to be fun, isn't it?













I suggest you start praying.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 4:25 PM 0 comment(s)  

Midnight Musings.
Sunday, May 3, 2009

Just a little... disappointed. It's not at all pleasing to see that it's given freely to others, but held from me. I wish that... I could be on the receiving end of that once in a while.

Just once in a while.

Another one of those moments. It'll pass. It comes and goes. Always.

***

It's been running wildly. The images, the feelings, the need for gratification. Almost... unhealthy. It's wonderful, but it needs to stop.

There's only one way to do that now, yes?

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:37 AM 0 comment(s)  

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