Nuts & Bolts

The thing is, tonight isn't an exception to other nights: my room is only ever tidy once in a month or two.

Truth be told, it doesn't really bother me. I rarely spend a waking hour in there - my bedroom is there simply for two reasons: when I need to sleep, and when I need to change. Other than that, well, I have no need for it.

Unlike 90% of my peers, when I'm home, I spend all of my time in the family hall. Reading, browsing the Internet, listening to music, talking on the phone - it's all done right here, in the heart of my home. Odd really, when I'm the kind of guy who treasures privacy above almost all else.

Ha ha. Totally off topic, but a funny thought just came to mind. Despite the fact that we have incredibly comfortable couches in our homes, we Dewinds rarely ever use them. We're usually found sitting about on the floor, laughing away, and - more often than not - insulting one another. We're more kampung than anyone I actually know (not just relating to the sitting-on-the-floor-bit of course).

Anyway, back to what I was talking about earlier. The family hall. Yes, it's my favourite spot - it's warm, it's cool, and it's just oh-so-darn comfortable.

I get incredibly irritated when it's messy.

Sometimes I come home and I find it in a mess - my sister's books thrown all over the floor, my brother's mugs all over the table, pillows not where they should be. Whenever I tell my siblings to clear it up, they ignore me (particularly my sister) - this usually leads to a shoutfest, or if I'm really impatient, me clearing it all up myself.

Meh.

I just realised... I often feel a little lost when I'm home and I can't spend my time in the hall. If friends of my parents come over or something - I usually find myself pacing in my room, and checking every now and again if they've left. Ha ha ha! Why am I so odd?

***

My parents told me last week that I talked too much as a child. I used to ask too many questions, and they'd get tired of answering me. I told them that intelligent children generally asked many questions.

They laughed.

But seriously. Looking back, the one thing that has been constant throughout my life was my need to ask questions - I needed to know the how things worked, I needed to know why they worked the way they did.

I haven't asked questions like those in a long while. Lately I've been concentrating on completely different questions - questions that involve other people, questions that ultimately do little for me: "How are you?", "Are you alright?", "Is there something bugging you?"

I've gotten myself more involved in the people around me - not a bad thing, really. I guess I just need to learn to strike a balance somewhere.

I need to start asking the right questions again. Questions that serve me, and only me.

Yeah, I'm pretty darn selfish.