Nuts & Bolts

I'm caught listening to music from another generation - a different time, yet it remains relevant to me, today.

"Someone should send you a rose, with love from a friend - nice to hear from you again" - I'd love this. It'd make my night, my week maybe. I can't help but be drawn into the song - I'm lonely, and for tonight it's my only company. She's right there, but I can't quite muster the strength to tell her simply, "Hi". Times like these, I'm usually the one to make the approach, and I'm also usually the one turned down. I'm afraid, too afraid. I don't want to be disappointed, as has been the case so many times before, and which has been the case these past two or three weeks. Every little thing gets turned around, and there's no longer any warmth between us. We can't relate to one another, and I suppose that's the saddest thing.

So I keep to myself, not fighting the silence. It's better to stay quiet, than to speak a word or two and turn myself to ruin.

I can't bear her words, her actions anymore. To assure myself, I could easily say "I won't", but there's little truth in that - ultimately, I just can't.

Some nights, I wish I never grew to be so attached to you. This is just one of those nights.