Me.
All In A Row.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Hi there, how are 'ya?Been a long time.Seems like we've come a long way.My, but we learn so slow;And heroes they come and they go,And leave us behind, as if we're supposed to know why.Why do we give up our hearts to the past?And why must we grow up so fast?And all you wishing well fools with your fortunes,Someone should send you a rose; With love from a friend,It's nice to hear from you again.And the storybook comes to a close.
Gone are the ribbons and bows.Things to remember, places to go.Pretty maids all in a row.The Eagles
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:41 PM 0 comment(s)
Ring, Ring, Ring.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.
Mark Twain
My mind is playing tricks on me - I keep hearing my phone ring, only to turn to it and find that I've no calls or messages. I know then that I am expecting something, someone - but what, who? And the bigger question is: why?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:08 AM 0 comment(s)
The Jewel of Israel.
Monday, March 29, 2010
O maid, unrelenting and cold as thou art,
My bosom is proud as thine own.
Seward
Like de Bois-Guilbert, I am tamed by the brown eyes of Rebecca. In her presence my tongue is dulled, and my sword heavy. And I will choose to fight no longer, save for her, and her alone - for this day I tell all: the Jewess holds my heart, and what sweeter place is there for me?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:42 AM 0 comment(s)
A Fistful of Colours.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
"Fools", said I, "You do not know,
Silence like a cancer grows."
"Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like raindrops fell,
And echoed in the wells of silence.
Sounds of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel
We spend our days talking, yet we say little to nothing. Like balloons in the sky these words float on by, a fistful of colours to please the wandering eye.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:26 PM 0 comment(s)
The Spider's Reach.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Say not my art is fraud: all live by seeming.
The beggar begs with it, and the gay courtier
Gains land and title, rank and rule, by seeming;
The clergy scorn it not; and the bold soldier
Will eke with it his service. All admit it,
All practise it; and he who is content
With showing what he is shall have small credit
In church, or camp, or state. So wags the world.
Old Play
Wise words. If you understand it, would you admit the truth of these few lines, of yourself? Or are you one of many who choose to ignore the truth when it stares you in the face?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 2:02 PM 1 comment(s)
When We Were Kings.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Muhammad Ali, he was like a sleeping elephant. You can do whatever you want around a sleeping elephant; whatever you want. But when he wakes up, he tramples everything.
- Malik Bowens
When I was a lot younger, I was a big fan of boxing. The ring, the lights, the audience, the champions themselves - it was all so fascinating. Having lived with my grandparents for a few years when I was young, it became normal for me to sit beside my grandfather as the latest boxing match played on the telly. Once the fight was over, my grandfather, my father, and my uncles, would tell me stories about how George Foreman punched a charging bull, cracking its skull; how Sugar Ray Robinson danced with crocodiles; and how Rocky Marciano fought off a dozen giants. They were stories meant to fuel a young boy's imagination, and for that alone I used to walk around thinking that these men were - above all - Gods on Earth.
I don't know why I stopped watching boxing, to be honest. It was a good sport, an entertaining sport.
Last week I sat down to watch a boxing movie/documentary, titled "When We Were Kings". It documented the fight between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman, in Zaire, Africa. I loved it - not because of the boxing match itself (of which footage was minimal), but because of every moment documented before it. Muhammad Ali was amazing to watch - his confidence, his strength, his resolve and determination. Simply amazing. I sat in awe, wondering how anyone could be so exciting, so sure of themselves. So sure of what they wanted out of every living moment - or at the very least, portray themselves as such.
The documentary is full of Ali's own commentary - really entertaining stuff. Here's my favourite:-
It is befitting that I leave the game just like I came in, beating a big bad monster who knocks out everybody and no one can whup him. So when little Cassius Clay from Louisville, Kentucky, came up to stop Sonny Liston. The man who annihilated Floyd Patterson twice. HE WAS GONNA KILL ME! But he hit harder than George. His reach is longer than George's. He's a better boxer than George. And I'm better now than I was when you saw that 22-years old undeveloped kid running from Sonny Liston. I'm experienced now, professional. Jaws been broke, been knocked down a couple of times, I'm bad! Been chopping trees. I done something new for this fight. I done wrestled with an alligator. That's right. I have wrestled with an alligator. I done tussled with a whale. I done handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail. That's bad! Only last week I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalised a brick! I'm so mean I make medicine sick! Bad, fast! Fast! Fast! Last night I cut the light off in my bedroom, hit the switch and was in the bed before the room was dark.
Amazing stuff. Hahaha. I strongly recommend watching this documentary if you have some interest in boxing, or if you simply think Muhammad Ali is awesome.
Oh, FYI - the soundtrack gets two thumbs up from me. James Brown, B.B. King, and loads more - if you're a fan of the blues, of funk, it's safe to say you're gonna have difficulty keeping your feet from tapping.
Ding ding ding!
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:26 PM 0 comment(s)
Among Strangers.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Fond wretch! and what canst thou relate,
But deeds of sorrow, shame, and sin?
Thy deeds are proved - thou know'st thy fate;
But come, thy tale! begin - begin.
But I have griefs of other kind,
Troubles and sorrows more severe;
Give me to ease my tortured mind,
Lend to my woes a patient ear;
And let me, if I may not find
A friend to help, find one to hear.
Crabbe's Hall of Justice
I am afraid. I never would have dreamt that fate would deal such a horrible hand to anyone I so love. And will he recover? Is this just temporary? I am afraid, God above me, I am afraid. I have been told, "prepare yourself" - but that I cannot do, not now, not yet.
I pray, I pray - for my love for him, for his love for me - I pray it goes, like a breeze. Heaven hear my prayer: let him remember! For it is too cruel to leave him to forget.
Heaven hear my prayer.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:32 PM 2 comment(s)
Bird of Paradise.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Oh when the Sunshine beckons to ya,
and your wings begin to unfold;
The thoughts you bring and the songs you sing,
are gonna keep me from the cold.
Hello everyone. It's certainly been a while.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 4:41 PM 0 comment(s)
End.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Do I turn myself into what people want me to be, or stay myself and risk losing the people I care for?
Once upon a time I was told that I changed, and to make amends, I attempted to go back to who I was - to revert from my supposed change. And here, tonight - I believe I am who I was just years ago. Though this is so, things don't seem right - I'm unhappy, and certain people are unhappy with me.
I had an argument with Gillian last night and this morning. I spoke what was on my mind at the time, and now it's opened up a whole load of other problems. Problems which need to be confronted.
The journey home from Penang allowed me a little time to think, and now I truly see - you were right Gillian. Through all this, I've been the one to blame. The problems between you, me, and Kimberley: they were mostly faults of mine. I've found it difficult to accept change, difficult to accept that which was right in front of my eyes. And for that I've paid a heavy price, and still my debt isn't settled.
And then there are other problems. The uncertainty of my future. Once upon a time I was so sure that Psych was what I wanted to do, but today? Today I question everything - and honestly speaking, a huge part of me is about ready to give up. A huge part of me just feels like walking out into the world with my Diploma, and begin earning a life. A hard life, maybe - but lady luck may just favor me. Who knows?
I certainly don't.
I need... a break. I need some time away - not just from my everyday problems, but from the people who are a part of my everyday life. And most importantly - I need some time away from myself.
This post is a start of one journey, and the end of another. The start? My quest for fulfillment - for change. To strike a balance between being completely happy with myself, and to ensure specific others are happy with me. This is the day where I rebuild broken down walls, the day I throw away all expectations - expectations of myself, and the expectations I have of others. This is the day I leave me here, in front of this screen, and never look back.
And what of the end? That doesn't just relate to the "death" of a persona, but also the end of his memories and passions. I promised myself once - I'd never mention anyone's name when I spoke of my own troubles on this blog. Today, I've broken that promise. And with that promise, I'm breaking away from this... journal of mine.
Will I come back? Who's to say? For now, this seems permanent. I'll keep this blog open, just in case I ever feel like coming back and putting my thoughts into words. Even so, I'm certain that there won't be any updates for a long time to come.
A long, long time to come.
My experiences on the 29th, of NCSM's Relay for Life - I guess those will never see the light of day. And Aliff - I had something ready for you, but that too disappears tonight. I'm sorry.
This is the end.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:05 PM 1 comment(s)
Uncertainty.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Tonight, in this hotel room... I am caught questioning just one thing: was it wise?
It had been bugging me for so long, and tonight... it almost felt right. It almost felt like putting it out in the open was what I needed, was what's important.
But now I'm not sure. Now I sit here, wondering if I should have kept it to myself - if I should have pressed myself to endure, and let time do its thing. If I should have kept quiet... like so many nights in these past few years.
The answer will come soon enough, won't it? It's just a matter of time now... Till one of us brings it up again.
Funny. Just thinking about it has made me a little disappointed.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:00 PM 0 comment(s)