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Sometimes Experience Isn't All That Great.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Picture this:-

You're traveling along the highway at a steady 110km/h. At a safe distance ahead of you, a Mercedes SLK drives along at about the same speed as you. There is a large lorry on the lane to your left (the middle lane), and a bus is driving ahead of that lorry.

Now the Mercedes SLK decides to jam on his brakes. Being a car of that level, it takes little time for that car to go from 110 to 0. So what can you do with a low end, unmodified, locally made car?
Here's a guide:-

  • Drop from 5th gear to 2nd
  • Listen to your engine scream
  • Pray your gearbox doesn't break into a hundred pieces
  • Pray your engine doesn't explode
  • Accelerate (seriously)
  • Turn left into the small opening between the lorry and the bus
  • Quickly push from 2nd into 4th gear
  • Continue turning left till you're on the third lane
  • Scream like a schoolgirl

Now for a more indepth guide (step by step):-


  1. Drop from 5th gear to 2nd. Your engine will scream bloody murder at this point - pray everything vital about your car stays intact.
  2. Don't brake, just accelerate. See the opening between the lorry and the bus? That's where you need to go.
  3. Scream like a bloody schoolgirl.



  4. While making the turn, push from 2nd gear into 4th (your car should be more than halfway into the space between the lorry and the bus by now).

  5. Continue screaming like a schoolgirl.
  6. Keep turning left. The front, driver's side of your car will brush against the rear, left side of the bus.
  7. Don't stop screaming like a schoolgirl.
  8. When you're on the third lane, push into 5th gear and drive on like nothing happened.
  9. Please note that all of the following has to happen within a span of 2.5 seconds. This shouldn't be too much trouble if you enjoy driving on dirt roads at fairly high speeds, with cars that aren't even designed for such driving. Lucky you.

Now that all that is done with, here's what you need to do:-

  • Check yourself into a hospital. Your heart rate should be through the roof, and you're likely to go into cardiac arrest soon.
  • Kiss the ground, call your loved ones and tell them how much you love them.
  • Send your car for immediate servicing.
  • It's very likely you'll still be screaming like a schoolgirl 7 months after the incident, so seek psychiatric help.
  • Thank Hotel Heaven/Hell's Beach & Resort Spa for not checking you in early.

I hope my guide helped. Remember: don't brake, just gearshift and accelerate.
Also: pray.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:21 PM  

1 comment(s):

Anonymous said... September 4, 2008 at 12:02 PM  

lol.. r u sure tht helps? do u think this will be saavvveee? lol.... thx for ur guide..

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