Me.
Grey Blue Eyes.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
We look to different people for different needs. Some we look to as merely partners in our quest for fun and ease. Some others when we need to hear the blatant truth about any situation. Some when we need to share a secret, and some when we just want to be alone - to forget the world.
How do you know how much you're worth?
Day in, day out, we push ourselves to please those we are close to. Those we feel comfortable around, those we can be ourselves with. Those who we hold with regard, higher than anyone else we might know. We strive - in our speech and actions - to show them how much we appreciate them.
Because they're worth so much to us.
But what if that appreciation isn't returned? What if we don't see any acknowledgment for our efforts? Then how do we justify their worth to us? And worse still... how do we justify our worth to them? Do we keep ourselves quiet and continue with what we were doing, or do we step up and explain our feelings? Situations differ. Solutions differ. When faced with such a delicate issue, what's right and wrong becomes a blur to the whole situation. Outcomes are unpredictable, and the only gamble is making a decision.
Excuses. Lots and lots of them. That's what I've been giving for quite some time now. Time to step up? Maybe. Some argue that there is appreciation, just that it's difficult to show. We're all human - no matter how much of the situation that we understand, we need a certain amount to be shown to us.
How do you feel happy when you're not getting what you want?
It's the recognition; the acknowledgment; the appreciation. You may get all the respect and recognition from all your peers, but if it doesn't come from the one person you need most - then how can you feel content?
How do you be yourself?
You could have all the money in the world. All the material pleasures in life, all the success and promise. But so long as you don't get what you so desire - and maybe, deserve - you will never be happy. You will never be satisfied with yourself.
In the eyes of others, your deeds could be more than what anyone could ask of you. Maybe.
But you'll always feel you never did enough.
At the end of the day... you are nothing but a "somebody".
Somebody's son.
Somebody's brother.
Somebody's friend.
Somebody's confidant.
Somebody's lover.
Somebody.
Maybe one day we'll get the appreciation we need. And when that happens, we'll no longer be "somebodies". We'll be ourselves.
Just ourselves.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 7:50 PM 0 comment(s)
Nightmare Material.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I should stop visiting Internet forums.
Someone please hold me in my sleep.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 5:42 PM 0 comment(s)
Shaking Hands.
It's been a while since that night, yet it still happens every so often. It's gone to a stage where I don't even notice it anymore - last night my sister asked me, "Why are your hands shaking?". It kinda got me to come to my senses.
Maybe I need to see a doctor about this. Maybe I need to cut down on tea. Maybe I need to stop thinking of certain people and events.
Maybe it's all just in my head.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:19 PM 0 comment(s)
A Fool's Agenda.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I believe that I could try my entire life, but I will never understand.
Then why do I continue the struggle?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:36 PM 0 comment(s)
A Quiet Night.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
It is exactly so, as I type this entry. My only company is the whirring of the fan above me - not a star in the sky, and even the moon eludes my sight.
Ah, to grasp the silence and serenity of the still night. How beautiful! How beautiful...
Edit!: Removed whatever crap I originally typed down. Whoop whoop.
Till the next time.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:04 AM 0 comment(s)
The Bright Side.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Have you ever had those days, where you wake up and feel that it just wasn't going to be one of your good days? I'm sure you have.
While it wasn't today, I am comfortable to say that despite the events of that day being fairly disappointing, at the very least it started (and ended) with a warm, no-frills call from someone I sayang :P (monkey, wake up so late).
Ahh. Guess sometimes the days aren't as bad as we thought them to be, eh?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:26 AM 0 comment(s)
A Typical Conversation.
Friday, January 25, 2008
*Drives off the lane to avoid secondary school students*
Adam: Bloody students walk on the road like their father owns them.
Danial: Run them over.
Adam: What the hell? You crazy??
Danial: Why not?
Adam: First of all, we're in an Avanza. Sure, it'll be easy to run over the skinnier kids. But what about the fat ones? They'll get stuck under the car, and then we won't be able to move.
Danial: True also.
Adam: Not to mention the body of this car. Scrubbing blood off the bumper is not an easy job la you ass.
Danial: Yea yea. I forgot. We need a Ford Ranger. That way we can run over the fat kids as well without worry.
Adam: Yeaaaaa. And since there's a kangaroo bar up front, we can wash the blood off easily. Chrome ma.
Danial: Awesome shit. But then... We don't have a Ford Ranger.
*Moment of silence*
Adam & Danial: *Sigh*.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 2:02 PM 0 comment(s)
Overweight Turtles.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
My Internet connection is as fast as overweight turtles right now. No joke. Here I am trying to sign in to Messenger, and all I get is the stupid trouble shooting window popping up here and there. I can't seem to access the usual sites I frequent, with the exception of a few blogs.
The word "frustrated" pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now.
Doesn't help that I actually NEED a smooth Internet connection tonight, to discuss a few matters with a friend on Messenger. In light of the recent troubles affecting my connection speed, I feel it's time I sent the people over at TM a warm, heartfelt letter filled with my thoughts over the matter. I'm sure a little constructive criticism will help, no? Anyway, I've copy pasted the entire letter for you to read below:-
No 1x Jalan Desa x/x
Bandar Country Homeless
48000 Bawang Goreng
Selangor Darul Ehsan
------------------------------------------
Mr Basket-In-Charge
No 144 Persiaran Kumpulan Cilaka Sial
Pejabat Pengurusan Kebodohan Syarikat TM
47650 Somewhere
Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur
Sir,
Internet Connection Problems in Housing Area
With regards to the above statement, Fuck you and your shitty Streamyx quality and maintenance.
Yours sincerely,
Pissed Streamyx client.
What do you think? Good? I think it's pretty decent.
Hoho :D
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:08 PM 0 comment(s)
Crank That.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Yes, I'm talking about that song that so many are singing and dancing to these days. Soulja Boy haha. I know at one point or another, you've gone "Yooooooooooouuu~", yes?
If you haven't, damn.
Anyway. This is a video everyone who's anyone should watch. It's a remix of the ever popular song, with Travis Barker on the drums. Travis Barker was the drummer of Blink 182. You do know that Travis Barker is a mean machine when it comes to drums, yes?
For those of you that already know this, enjoy the video.
For those of you who have no clue about Travis Barker, watch the video and get ready to be blown away.
Hell fucking yeah.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:22 PM 0 comment(s)
Truth.
Monday, January 14, 2008
In violence, we forget who we are.
This is a truth that no one shall ever deny, unless their vision is clouded by their own ignorance.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:08 PM 0 comment(s)
Resolve.
Swingin' from the chandeliers, hanging on your word
I remember watchin' you, once upon a time
Dancing from across the room, in another life
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
Lookin' back to find my way, never seemed so hard
Yesterday's been laid to rest, changing of the guard
I would never change a thing, even if I could
All the songs we used to sing, everything was good
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
One more year that you're not here has gone and passed you by
What happened to you, what happened to you?
One more tear that you won't hear has gone and passed you by
What happened to you, what happened to you?
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve
One more year that you're not here
Has gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
A little bit of resolve
One more year that you're not here
Has gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
- The Foo Fighters -
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:45 PM 0 comment(s)
Crazy Shit.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
My brother installed a torrent program that allows one to surpass the bandwidth limit set by Streamyx. How awesome is it? See for yourself:-
Crazy shit. Thanks to cousin Kak Syuhaida for the program >:D Hohoho.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:56 AM 1 comment(s)
The Law of Insignificance.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Because you cared, you stayed. Right down to the end, you helped them towards everything they wanted. And now that they have it, they forget you were ever there.
They forget you ever cared.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:23 PM 1 comment(s)