Nuts & Bolts

23 Hours Into.
Sunday, March 30, 2008

It's been a productive day.

This and that, done. That and this, done.
Was supposed to get myself new shoes today, but as we all know: size 12 isn't exactly easy to find. "What's your largest size?" I always ask. "11 sir." Sigh. I'll have to take the time to check other places sometime in the near future.

Is it just me, or have the past few nights been fairly dull?
Tempted to sign in to messenger... but I suppose I won't find what I need there.

Tomorrow is an hour away.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:43 PM 1 comment(s)  

Your Viewing Pleasure.
Friday, March 28, 2008

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 2:03 PM 1 comment(s)  

Toilet Revelations.
Thursday, March 27, 2008

Just unleashed a torrent of fluid down the toilet bowl. I realized then that it smelled like tea.
This means that I've been drinking a whole lot of tea.

Shit...

... Maybe I should start peeing in a cup. Infinite supply of tea!

Somebody, please slap me.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:08 AM 1 comment(s)  

Hail.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Behold! I bring with me an image that will put you into fits of laughter, or at the very least brighten your day. Yes, I am that nice. After looking at the image and laughing your lungs off, you might be tempted to build an altar with my statue/picture as the centerpiece. I say: Don't! Though I deserve to be worshiped, it is best if we keep ourselves modest about my incredible awesomeness.



If you did not laugh (or smile), you are either:-
a - someone with little (or no) sense of humor.
b - someone with the mental capacity of a toad.

I'm gonna put my money on (b) for now.
And here's a tip: if you're having trouble viewing the image, click it for a larger view. It actually helps.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:54 PM 3 comment(s)  

Monday.
Monday, March 24, 2008

A good day, but with a solemn mood throughout the last parts of it.
Unfortunately, the only friend who I kept in touch with from my older college, passed away this morning in an accident.

My deepest sympathies reach out to his family. Nothing I can say can express what a great person he was. Rest in peace Akmal - you were a dear and true friend.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:19 PM 0 comment(s)  

With Folded Arms.
Sunday, March 23, 2008

Forgive me if I do not adhere to the restrictions in time that I originally set forth upon myself. I'm off by one week, but it doesn't matter much. The fact is that I need to let certain things be known, and I feel that the right time is now.

Most know that when I listen to music, the one thing that captures my attention in songs are the lyrics. A song might be musically majestic, but if the words don't tug at the thoughts, then the song is worth little. I'm sure this is true for many others as well.
Recently I started listening to a song which spoke out to me on a level I needed to be at. Along with the constant companionship of a select few, and the specific events surrounding my life - all of this influenced me into my decision with you.

Yes, though I am not sure if what I'm doing now is right, I can say this much - this post, and the meaning in the song, is directed at you. Whether you realize you are my intended audience is a different thing altogether. It's alright if you don't get it though - because my mind is made up. For me, it can only get better from here on out.

If I had eyes in the back of my head
I would have told you that
You looked good
As I walked away

And if you could've tried to trust the hand that fed
You would've never been hungry
But you never really be

The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not at all
Just stands still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in

Always looking out

Lot of people spend their time just floating
We were victims together but lonely
You got hungry eyes that just can't look forward
Can't give them enough but we just can't start over
Building with bent nails we're falling but holding
I don't wanna take up anymore of your time
Time time time

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not all
Just stands still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out
Always looking

- "If I had eyes", by Jack Johnson -

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:41 AM 0 comment(s)  

Shut Down.
Sunday, March 16, 2008

Temporarily.

I'm going to take a short break from blogging, so don't expect any new material within the next two weeks or more. I need to get away for a bit and get my thoughts straight.

Till then.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 5:21 PM 1 comment(s)  

12 Apologies.
Saturday, March 15, 2008

Hi. Bye. A look in the right direction, possibly a nod of acknowledgment, and the rest is quiet. Perfect strangers in a familiar place. Perfect strangers and a familiar face.
To an extent I admit that it led to this because of my own doing. As few have told me - I gave in too much. And somehow that came around and stung me in the back - I was someone else, to be called upon when needed.

The blame is mine, if not entirely.

It's been on my mind - my family, my friends, me. How I have so much of a good thing but I can't seem to give it the right amount of credit. And for that I needed to type out this post.
My name is Adam, and though I put up a brave front everyday of my life, the truth of the matter is - I'm a coward. And I don't have enough guts to tell anyone of you face to face, what you will read below. So please, forgive me of irresponsibility, if just for one more time.

To my best friend, a deserving apology. For changing to the point that you felt I was someone else - someone you couldn't recognize. For letting it all get to me, and affecting this small but worthwhile friendship. For keeping so much in, and never sharing a single thing.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

To my family, those my life has been centered around. When in the company of my friends I laugh, I smile, but I never show my fangs. And though none of you ever deserved it, I often lashed out at you, specifically my two brothers - because I had nowhere else to vent my frustrations.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

To my friends - the people who've filled my college life with so much colour. There have been so many times that I've brought my insults too far, that I've said things to spite. I know, that though they may not admit it to my face, I have - at times - been too harsh, to the likes of Amir, Victor, Aliff, and few others. And there have been times, that I've lost track and created a distance between those I am closest to - where I chose to hide and give little care. I've been a fool, and as odd as it is, you're all still willing to sit around me and share my company. That is a rare thing, and I'm truly lucky. For all my sins against you...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And finally. To myself... For losing that spark. That fire. For losing that faith - that everything works out for the better, that there isn't such a thing as "giving up", and "losing control". For doubting myself. For wanting to be someone else.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:06 PM 0 comment(s)  

Missing Title.

Tired.

The day is spent and I felt good throughout most of it. And then someone mentions your name, and everything turns over. Someone mentions you and now, I'm depressed.

Tired.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:00 AM 0 comment(s)  

Arithmetics.
Friday, March 14, 2008

This morning I signed in to Messenger, and my best bud Guna was online. His PM caught my attention, and I decided I needed to type it down here.

"In the arithmetic of love - one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:39 PM 0 comment(s)  

Like a Shadow Cast Against the Moonless Night.
Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hidden from sight they hold.
The keen eye may catch their silent whispers.
And for them, a story told.
Some have told me to pull away, because I give in so often, so easily. I'm trying, and I won't lie - it hurts.
Brush the surface and watch the colours collide.
The message is right there, staring deep into your eyes.
One more day, and there is less to say.
The thought of you is pulling me down, and God knows I don't have much longer to stay above ground.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:24 PM 0 comment(s)  

Wearing Down a Tyre or Two.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Explain to me something.

I'm rushing to pick up my brother, so I speed along.
I come up behind a car at 160km/h, and I slow down to 120. I keep a safe distance, and the car moves aside for me. Now I push back up to 160, and the car that moved aside decides to tail me.
Alright, looks like he changed his mind and needed to get somewhere fast. I move aside, and I let him pass.

Guess what happens next? He overtakes me and slows back down to 120. This is where I get annoyed, and I push back up to 160 (for the second time since I slowed down) and overtake. The other driver's reply? Tailing.

Why? I don't like it when people tail me, so I never tail others, no matter how much of a hurry I'm in. I keep a safe distance, because I don't feel like landing in a large wooden box. So what reason would he have to ANNOY me?

Is anyone threatened by a stock model Satria that's travelling really fast?
If you're the type who likes to annoy other drivers this way, I wish you a Happy Fuck You.

The end.

Oh by the way, I lost the turd at the toll booth. Yay Smart Tag.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:22 PM 0 comment(s)  

Adam in the morning.

The silence between us is deafening; the words between us break my heart.
The cold gaze is wearing me down; the memories are tearing me apart.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:21 AM 0 comment(s)  

Tags and the like.
Sunday, March 9, 2008

Well, Stephanie tagged me a few days back. Seeing as how I have nothing better to do, I guess I might as well take the time to complete it. Better than sleeping the moments away, eh?

1. What was your dream during your childhood?
When I was young I had a passion for everything related to dinosaurs, and I dearly wanted to be a paleontologist. Being young and full of spirit, I actually asked around (teachers, family) and researched through the Internet for a future in paleontology. However, to my dismay... not a single university in Malaysia offered such a course. Of course, at the time I never thought about studying abroad... Ah well.

2. Do you like rainy days or sunny days? Why?
Depends really. A little bit of both.

3. Which colour do you like better - black or white?
I have more white shirts than black. But I guess my preference would be black.

4. Who would you marry?
When she comes into my life, you'll know.

5. Where do you want to go most? Why?
Europe. Specifically the Vatican City and France. Why? The architecture, the history, the majesty of it all. I want most to visit the museums.

6. Which part of yourself do you love most?
Love is a strong word, but I'd have to say: the part most will never see or understand.

7. When you encounter a sad moment, what do you do?
I drive to give myself the time to think, to understand, and hopefully - to move on.

8. What are you afraid of losing the most?
That which I never had.

9. If you met someone you love, would you confess to him/her? Or just keep it a secret, observing?
Situations differ. Love (if that's too strong, then "attraction") is a difficult thing. How it comes about affects the way you would handle it. A question that would be better posed to the winds.

10. List out 3 good points of the one who tagged you.
Stephanie tagged me. Well, she's a sweet girl. She's fairly mature (more so than many others I know), and she's quite the ray of sunshine. Ha ha~

11. What are the requirements that you wish for your other half?
There are no requirements. If she's my other half, then she's got everything I would want.

12. Up to now, what is the moment you regret most?
"Leave ourselves be at the door, and walk with the memory of what was."

13. Which type of person do you hate most?
The type I can't stand. Explains enough?

14. What is your ambition?
To teach, and learn.

15. Would you rather be someone else at this moment?
Unfortunately, yes.

16. If you can have two dreams to come true, what would it be?
I only need one - to never stop dreaming, even if the rest of my dreams might never come true.

17. What do you think is most important in your life?
It's never "what". It's always "who".

18. Who's your favourite cartoon character?
Sponge Bob Square Pants. Let's not forget the rough and tough Ironhide eh?

19. What will you do if the world ends tomorrow?
Smile. Smile. Smile.

20. The most worthwhile decision you've ever made in your life so far.
"Let us live that all our deeds be worth the moment."

Although I wasn't asked to tag anyone, why not? Aliff, Ila, Charlene? Ah well.
Edit: Fareeza Ilyana! I tag you too D: Remember that question 10 asks you to list 3 good things. Good things. Goooooooooooood things.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:01 PM 0 comment(s)  

Of Politics and a Country's Future.

By now most of you will know the results of Malaysia's election. The ruling coalition suffered some of its greatest defeats, and were unable to retain their 2/3 majority of the parliament seats. Nonetheless, they will form the next government, by merely a simple majority.

As I had chosen note to vote this time around, I choose not to reveal my sentiments regarding the future of this country, as I believe I have no right of say, for I did not take part in molding its future (this is from a political standpoint).

However, I will say this: how will the choice of the voting Malaysians affect the country's future? Good or bad, all we can really do is wait.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:57 AM 0 comment(s)  

Class.
Saturday, March 8, 2008

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 4:29 PM 1 comment(s)  

Resah.
Thursday, March 6, 2008

Alright, I'm officially hooked on this song. I've been listening to it for the better part of the day, and I even had it playing softly while I was sleeping last night. Damn it.

Sigh.

Edit: Nitrus is a Malaysian band, not Indonesian as I originally thought (at least, that's what I gather from their MySpace site).

Resah

Berapa lama harus aku tunggu
Kata setuju kamu
Kau biar aku menanti pilu

Kau diam bisu buat aku keliru
Mana tuju hatimu
Usah biar ku resah menunggu

Raut wajahmu bisa ditelahku
Kau masih belum tentu
Apa ada rasa dalam hatimu

Datang padaku cerita padaku
Ungkapkan rasa itu
Apa saja buat hilang ragumu

Sesungguh tak kau tahu
Diriku ada kamu
Akan ku relakan semua ada ku untukmu
Mungkin bila kau tahu
Mungkin bisa kau temui jiwaku
Usah biar terusan begitu

- Nitrus -

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:26 PM 0 comment(s)  

Awake.

It's 1AM, and I'm restless. No sleep, not yet apparently.
I just heard the song "Resah" by a group called Nitrus. Not too sure, but I'm guessing they're Indonesian?

Either way, I rather fancy the song. After a little searching, I found the music video on YouTube. If you've never heard of the song, I recommend a go at it.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:20 AM 0 comment(s)  

Breathing Underwater.
Sunday, March 2, 2008

It was a cold day. I needed to feel warm, so I stepped into the shower. Yes. A hot bath. That's what I needed.

I had my hands pressed against the wall, the hot water drizzling over me. Strangely nothing felt as it should have been - the water was definitely hot, but I couldn't feel it. No... not today. Warmth escaped me. I held that position for ages, so many thoughts raced through my mind.

Wait. Maybe not. It was just that one thought, only so many variations to it.

Drops of water rolled down my face and into my wide open mouth, as I brought my forehead to rest against the cold wall. I closed my eyes to save myself from all the vivid images that were imaginatively projected before me. Few things kept me company now.

The sound of my own breathing.
A hundred or more drops of water splashing quietly onto the floor.
The feel of the water rushing down my body.

Still not warm enough. The water still wasn't warm enough.

I heard myself sing. Softly, with almost no tone. At first, I didn't know what I was singing. I wanted to stop, but I was too curious to stop. I knew the words to the song, therefore I had to know what song it was. And so I sang.

Till the very end.

I downloaded the song soon after.

I've been listening to it for close to an hour now.

Adam, maybe it's time.

Forget the tears. The fears. The effort. The pain. The constraint. Forget it all, and more.

Yes Adam. Maybe it really is time.

No More "I Love You"s

I used to be a lunatic
From the gracious days
I used to be woebegone
And so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed
For you to see
Oh but now
I don't find myself bouncing home whistling Buttonhole tunes to make me cry

No more "I love you"s
The language is leaving me
No more "I love you"s
Changes are shifting outside the word

(The lover speaks about the monsters)

I used to have demons in my room at night
Desire, despair, desire
So many monsters
Oh but now
I don't find myself bouncing home whistling Buttonhole tunes to make me cry

No more "I love you"s
The language is leaving me in silence
No more "I love you"s
Changes are shifting outside the word

- Annie Lennox -

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:52 PM 0 comment(s)  

Sunday, Rainy Sunday.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 7:04 PM 0 comment(s)  

11:06PM
Saturday, March 1, 2008

Running out of ideas for post titles. Anyone willing to help me out?
No wait, on second thought: no. 90% of you are numb nuts. The other 10% know well enough that I'm not really running out of ideas.

Or maybe I'm just psyching all of you. I want you to believe you're part of the 10% when you're not. Maybe it's working.
You think you're part of the 10% don't you?

See how this works? Now you're not sure what I'm trying to do to you. Am I trying to force you into the 90% or 10% zone? Neither. If you even took the time to consider anything I've typed in the last few lines, you're already in the 90% zone. Oh and just to clarify, that zone isn't easy to come out of.

I sound like some sort of genius.

Oh wait. I am.

Oops?

It's the genes.

Oh, and also the name.

Yea. Pretty much the name and the genes.

I'm so full of myself, aren't I? Wait, even if I really meant everything up there, you wouldn't be one to get offended, would you? I didn't even direct it specifically to anyone with the word "you". Wait... you thought I meant you right? And here I was thinking I was full of myself.

Do you know where I'm getting with this post?

Yea, me neither.

Oh, and just because: the next time anyone asks something stupid/nonsensical in my presence, I will show my sarcasm by uttering the following:-


Whoa. I've jumped up a notch on the Asshole-Meter.













Awesome.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:54 PM 0 comment(s)  

The Day Before Tomorrow.

Well, Saturday's classes came and went, and I have to say: wasn't all too bad. It was as quiet as it could get in class, due to there being only two other familiar faces: Collin and Thilagan. Realise that I said "as quiet as it could get", meaning it did have its moments. One particular moment practically brought me to a tear or two. Here's what happened:-

Lecturer: So you'll need this textbook that textbook blabla---
Collin: Sir, I have that.
Lecturer: What edition?
Collin: Can't remember... 1999 I think.
Lecturer: Oh I think you'd better buy the new one. Now we're using the 2005 edition which has blablabla---

Thilagan, who was all the while writing down stuff, just slammed his pen on the table and gave me a bloody frustrated look, while uttering the words: "Fucker has been here too long la dey."

Thinking of it now gives me laughs. Granted, it might not even be funny if you read it here like this. Which in all respect means: your loss.

On a side note, my Spongebob plushie (which I actually call Sponggeh Bobbeh, thanks to Ila. The name just stuck) is way out of shape. Though in being so, it's now far more comfortable to hug (at least, in my opinion). Of course, that being said... there's nothing more creepy than a twenty-two year old hugging a large yellow plushie in a car.

...

Nothing other than this of course.
You sure you want to click that? Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 5:14 PM 0 comment(s)