Me.
L.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
The interpretation of "love" has always baffled me. I've seen many people give it chance after chance, just because they believed there was something there. To me, love isn't blind - but it is possible for it to lose its sight. So, when does love turn blind?
Some people go into relationships and they stay much the same - they are who they were before the relationship came into existence, and the only difference it brought on them was that they were happier for the companionship and trust that they now owned. Others go into relationships and they change: some - for themselves; others - for another.
Recently, a friend of mine (who I've known for near five years) broke off with his girlfriend of one-and-a-half years. He went in and came out the same. She came out a different person. And now she's having trouble going back to who she was. I was never close to her, but she often turned to me for advice. I never turned her down, eventhough I barely knew her. Throughout the course of their relationship, he kept on pushing for her to change so many things about herself. And she, for his love, tried to meet his expectations. At the very end of the day, he only had her by his side when he wanted her. And I could never truly explain how angry I was at him for that.
She always asked me, "Why?"
Because she loved him. And she believed that he loved her as much as she loved him. And for that, she was blind to everything else.
If you love someone, how can you go into a relationship asking them to change? And should they change for you, what does it say about your love for them? To me, I see it only as you wanting to rid yourself of your loneliness, and you chose the one most convenient for this purpose - getting together with someone, to mold him/her into your perfect partner.
Doesn't say much about "love", does it? Sounds more like convenience and a little bit of risk.
I would never ask the one I love to change, because if she did - she wouldn't be the same person I fell in love with. Change happens gradually, naturally, and both sides are always a part of it. Healthy change doesn't happen because you asked for it. It doesn't happen because you demanded for it.
She's different now. She knows it. My friend on the other hand, well... he's already made himself available for someone else. What did she change for?
I'll leave that question unanswered.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:57 PM 0 comment(s)
Facepalm.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
I looked down and pondered, "What should I have for lunch?". There was a little girl standing next to me, just watching me as I took the time to make my decision. I looked at her and gave a friendly smile. As I walked away, I overheard her loud one-sided conversation with her father:-
"Ayah ayah, tengok! Lelaki gergasi."
What the bloody hell.
Reminds me of the time my younger cousin called me a monster. She was young, I was (am) huge, I said "boo" and she ran to her mother screaming "monster monster!!".
Adorable. Also, slightly insulting. Damn it.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 5:10 PM 2 comment(s)
But, Honestly.
Friday, June 27, 2008
I guess I had something to listen to all along - all I needed was to pull my ears away from all the noise around me, and listen quietly to the voices. The instruments. And of course, the lyrics.
Ahh, the lyrics.
Music helps. In so many ways. It still amazes me, how the fickle human mind is so easily subdued by a simple tune. Let us not forget how that same mind can comprehend the sophistication that comes with pulling so many things together to form a seemingly undying melody.
There are too few truths in this world. Thank goodness then, that some of these truths aren't difficult to find. That some of them are right under our noses.
Where are you off to with that head of yours?
Is there somewhere you should be?
Was it something that I said the time I held you down
and told you it's not you it's only me?
Maybe
Don't take what I don't need
(Give me back my peace of mind)
Don't say what I don't need
(Give my back my precious time)
No way you'll silence me
You'll see
What you up to now your mirror's gone?
Is there someone you should be?
Did you think I was just fooling 'round with you?
But honestly
But honestly
But honestly
Don't take what I don't need
(Give me back my peace of mind)
Don't say what I don't need
(Give me back my precious time)
No way you'll silence me
(Give me back my peace and quiet)
Nowhere to hide from me
You'll see
And tonight I thank the stars
As I count my lucky scars
For everything you've given me
And all the wants I gave to you
Something borrowed, something blue
If you want them back
I'll give it to you
Give it to you
And one more thing that I gave to you
- But Honestly, by the Foo Fighters
It's always been about second chances, isn't it?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:24 PM 0 comment(s)
One Kiss Goodnight.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
We are almost at the end of June, and soon enough we'll have our heads stuck in July. Roughly, I have another three weeks till I begin my next semester.
Unfortunately for me, I won't have the luxury of taking as many subjects as I'd like. Once again, resources are low, and I will have the opportunity to take only two subjects in the next semester. I was hoping to take at least three, to speed up the education process.
But I should know more than anyone: things don't always go the way you want them to.
Ah well. As always, I'll play the hand I've been dealt with. I might not have a Royal Flush, but a Full House works too.
I'll be as free as I was the last semester: three months of studies, and only two subjects to fill the days. Guess I'll need to find new ways of getting around things.
Lately I've been having serious doubts about my upcoming results, specifically Calculus. I'll be honest with everyone here - I've never been very good with numbers (and still I got myself into I.T. Yes, I question my intelligence too). Though I know I did well for my Finals, I have begun to doubt that I will do well enough for my assessment. I know it seems like I do this every semester, lamenting that I will fail and end up passing everything with flying colours - but it's a different feel this time. In fact, all the times before this, I've always been nervous, jittery. So much so that I question it all the time. But this time? It looks like I couldn't be bothered. Maybe because I know it's real this time? I don't know.
There is no one to blame for this feeling, but me.
I know a few people are already disappointed in me. And a few more will be in the near future. But you know something funny? It doesn't matter. I'm already disappointed in myself, more than anyone else can be with me.
Ah Adam. You screwed up. You screwed up where you shouldn't have. What now? Just wait and see. Just wait and see...
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:05 PM 0 comment(s)
Literal Meanings.
Monday, June 23, 2008
I found this comic strip fairly amusing. *Zwak zwak zwak* What the bloody hell. Haha.
I finally got my hair cut on Saturday, and I shaved Sunday morning. Had I not done so, I think I would've been using shampoo on my face in bath.
Hmm. I'm suddenly reminded of my cousin in Australia. Does he wash his face with shampoo?? *Questionable Gasp of Epic Proportions*
My back hurts. I think I snapped something yesterday. How? Chiropractic help, here I come!
No, not really. Not that serious. Though a visit to the chiropractor would be really nice. Just to snap things back into place. Eheh eheh eheh... *Snap* OH YOU MOTHER FU---
I was watching Ugly Betty the other day, and after seeing the lead actress actual photo... I kinda feel that the character Betty is more attractive. o_O Tell me what's wrong with me. Please.
Why is this blog so bloody boring?
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 7:54 PM 0 comment(s)
Simple Complications.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
There are two major troubles with the world today:
- Too few know a good thing when it's right under their noses, and
- Not enough care for perception. Not enough care to put themselves in the shoes of others, and that has made all the difference in our lives.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:53 PM 0 comment(s)
Blabber.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm sure most are familiar with the song "I'm yours" by Jason Mraz. Just yesterday, I saw a newly released video of the song, with him singing it live in Sweden. I thoroughly enjoyed this video, because it's nice to see the crowd singing along so enthusiastically. If you've not seen it yet, here it is:
Unfortunately, the sound quality of this video isn't very good, so you'll have to bear with it till I can find a better one.
On a side note, the Boston Celtics won the NBA Championship this season! Very happy. I've been a fan of the Celtics for about 12 years now. Yes - I've had an interest in the Celtics longer than I've had an interest for F1. Very good to see that they've picked themselves up in the last couple of years, and now they're champs again. And the best bit, they beat the Lakers to win the championship. Classic.
I haven't shaved in one and a half weeks. My hair is long and wild too. In fact, when I looked into the mirror this morning, I thought I saw Hagrid. Damn.
Though, Hagrid is pretty darn cool. No?
Enough of this crap. I'm going to run off for a drink with Collin.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:51 PM 0 comment(s)
Walking Sideways.
Monday, June 16, 2008
It's fairly disheartening when there isn't anything to listen to. Don't get me wrong - I have tons of songs on my laptop. But as I scroll through my music list, I see nothing that appeals to me. Everyone listens to music to suit their moods, and I am no different. Trouble is, I can't find one to suit my mood now.
I don't know what I feel really. I've been struggling these past few days to determine what it is I feel. Understand this: I'm not sad. I am rather content with everything around me. And that's why I'm so bloody confused - because in all this right, something is wrong.
But what's wrong? I have no idea.
It's times like these that I take off my glasses and stare around me, the world nothing but a blur. And I've always been rewarded with at least a little bit of insight into the troubles I face - a little bit of insight into making myself feel better. But this time the reward eludes me - the world has been a blur, and I keep walking into things I can't see.
What the bloody hell is wrong? Everything is right! It's frustrating...
... and I still don't have anything to listen to.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:26 PM 0 comment(s)
Nothing Here, Move Along Now.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I am incredibly drowsy right now, so this post might not come out well. Yahoo?
I've been sneezing my nose off almost the whole day. This is annoying. Anyone know the number of a good plumber? I could use a change of tubes.
Right.
It took me fifteen minutes to get from the second paragraph to this point, and I have no clue what I wanted to post about. I had an idea earlier, but it's got up and left me. What the bloody hell. I always knew my memory was bad.. but this bad?
I think I'll come back another time - when I have something to talk about.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:20 PM 0 comment(s)
[Insert Pointless Title Here]
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Being incredibly bored, I decided I needed to take a little time to stimulate my mind, and so I started a search for intelligent banter.
Then I realised, "intelligent banter" doesn't exist on the Internet. Oh woe is me.
Right now, my stomach is so empty, that should I tap it - I hear echoes within my hollow self. Now tell me that's amazing. There's food lying around, but I don't feel hungry. Since that's the case, I should only wait till breakfast comes around.
The day has been unusually hot, and the fact that it hasn't rained doesn't help one bloody bit.
You know what would be nice right now? Long Island Tea. Oh yes. Or maybe just a glass of red wine. Just one glass. Right now. I...
... you guessed it, I'm sipping on red wine right now. Now I feel a little calm and collected.
This post is pointless. Come on, say it with me: This post is pointless.
Bravo. Now someone please tell me, what the bloody hell can I do on a Thursday night to alleviate my feelings of severe boredom?
...
... If you need me, I'll be using my imagination in the cardboard box by the corner of my home.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:28 PM 0 comment(s)
11 Seconds to Sundown.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I guess I can't expect anyone to be excited about the little things that make me happy, the small things that I choose to share, because they mean enough to me.
Even though I'm expected to be enthusiastic for the things that have made them happy.
Funny how it's so difficult for me to get what I want, when I want it. Despite it being just a simple show of emotion.
One and a half month holiday. I'll be working, most likely. Will any of you be seeing me? Hardly. Will I have the time to talk to any of you? Probably not - I'm hardly ever online, and for the coming weeks: I'll be less likely to be available on MSN as the days before (despite it not being much). Phone calls? Ha ha ha... unfortunately, there are only so few I choose to talk to on the phone. And fewer would have the time (or the mood) to listen to me whenever I choose to call.
It's never been the right time. I guess it never will be.
It will always be a blow to the face, when I wake up to find I didn't know as much as I thought I did, or that I wasn't who I thought myself to be.
Always.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:23 PM 0 comment(s)
Imagination.
Monday, June 9, 2008
I seek solace and find refuge in my quiet companion, there throughout my loneliest of moments.
And when all is said and done, I am content.
Imagination. What a strange and beautiful thing.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:06 AM 0 comment(s)
Mind Shift.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The recent price hike for petrol has got me thinking about a lot. And after all that, I've come to a few decisions, of which I will announce here. These announcements are directed to my friends, and I hope all of you who read this will understand.
Announcement #1
I'm sorry to say, but most of you will not be seeing me often from here on out. I will have to turn down a lot of invitations to spend time with the gang - whether to watch a movie, to have dinner, or whatever. I honestly can no longer afford coming down as often as I did before - on average, I spend a minimum of RM20+ (to and fro, only petrol and toll). With the hike, my travel expenditure should rise to a minimum of RM30 (per day).
There have been times where I've declined invitations to spend time with certain people, and I've been (jokingly) called "cheap" for it. While I may have laughed with any of you about it at the time, I will confess that statements such as those have always made me feel extremely insulted. With the changes that I'm pursuing, I know that some people might bring up such statements again. I kindly ask that any of you who read this refrain from putting me in such uncomfortable situations.
Thank you.
Announcement #2
I'm pulling out of the Dead-6. I won't be spending much time playing games from here on out with you guys, because I don't want to waste any more money. I might join you guys for casual games here and there, once in a blue-moon, but that's about it. No more tourneys for me. I'm sorry, but...
Chaplain is retiring.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:23 PM 0 comment(s)
Increase.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
There's news running about that the price of petrol will be increased to RM2.70 come tomorrow. I'm getting calls and messages from various people telling me to rush off to the nearest petrol station and fill my tanks before it's too late.
Honestly, I don't think the government is going to raise the price of petrol so much without proper warning. Or then again, they might. It's probably the price of petrol that's been decided upon for foreign cars, not local.
Ah well. Even if it were true, I have never been the kind to rush off and line up with the rest just to save myself a little bit of money, one time. Really interested in seeing what happens tomorrow.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 7:03 PM 0 comment(s)
Pointless.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I come to you now, with no clue whatsoever what this post will be about. Yes - posting here and now - is just a way for me to kill time, before I resume studying for my finals.
My mother bought me a "kain songket" and batik shirt from the family's holiday in Terengganu. I have always had a liking to the traditional garments of Malaysian cultures - Malay, Chinese, Indian, Punjabi... you name it, I pretty much like it. It's very... classy.
Now here I sit wondering when I'll ever be able to see Gillian and Kimberley in a cheongsam. Or Charlene in a sari! Ha ha ha! Maybe I should organize a dinner with everyone wearing traditional garments. Wouldn't that be nice? Ahaha.
But then again.. what are the odds of such a thing taking off as it should? Bah. Pretend I deleted that last line.
***
I need a new PS2. Seriously. It's not been working for a while now, and I miss my console games. Would be nice to spend a couple of hours playing a Final Fantasy, WRC, or Katamari Damacy! HAHAHAHA. Oh gosh that game was fun. If I ever get it fixed, one way or another, I'm playing that game with Gillian and Kimberley. Fun~
***
Collin, my brother, and I were having dinner together a week ago, and at one point we started arguing about the price of satay, here and in Kedah. Naturally, the cost of living in these two places are different, so there shouldn't even be any argument about the price! So in the end, we gave up when we realized it was pointless. In fact, the conversation ended with Collin stating this exact sentence:
"OK, so the point of this whole conversation, is that there's no point."
HAHAHA.
I can't wait for the idiot to run off to Australia. Heh heh heh.
Alright, this post is completely pointless. I'll stop boring all of you with my nonsensical blabber. Goodnight~
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:24 PM 1 comment(s)
Fulfilled Dreams
Sunday, June 1, 2008
I could publish a book, but it would have too few pages
I could write a poem, but it would say nothing
I could act a play, but I would convey little
I could sit quietly, under the pale moon light
But it wouldn't be fair, not for what I felt last night
Sometimes, "Thank you" just isn't enough.
The Stars could give me any wish in the world, and I would turn them all down
For I am content; My face is without a frown.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:08 PM 0 comment(s)