Me.
Already I Miss It All.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
It won't be long before this familiar place is gone to me.
I'll be moving very soon. Away from Rawang, away from...
I've always wanted to be so much closer to it all - the people, the places, the laughs, the tears. Always. And now it's happening. I'm pleased. I'm excited. Yet... I feel a strange sense of depression creeping.
I've spent the last fifteen years here. These walls have seen me gain weight, they've seen me with and without hair on my head. They've heard me scream, they know my secrets. They've shared my smiles, and they've endured my angry fists.
So many memories were made in this very home.
The Japanese pine tree, the banana trees, the flowers all around. The green, white, beige and blue. I'll miss it all - the little things that I came home to, the little things that welcomed me into its warm, resting arms.
Living here felt like an eternity - but sometimes I think... eternity wasn't long enough. One castle for another. Goodbye, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:33 AM 5 comment(s)
Faulty Brakes.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I remember being strapped to the seat, being told not to tell anyone about the moment then. It would be our secret. The excitement was mine to share, but the experience was for no one but me.
Sideways, up, down, over, and under. Spinning in circles, sliding across the dirt. The world was nothing but a blur then - the only thing that kept me from throwing up was the fact that my eyes were glued to the shifting gears, the quick footwork, and the constantly moving hands - it was like a dance, all of it.
The man behind the wheel? My father. In his youth he was a test driver - he knew all the tricks, and this was his way of showing me something he was once passionate about. He told me then that it wasn't about how fast you could go - it was about how well you could keep yourself together.
I believe it was then that I learned to love being in a car. From that day onwards, I had my eyes on everything my father did when he was driving - it was a quiet learning process.
I was nine then.
***
My father was right. It was never about going fast - control was the game of the day. Control was the game of the week, the month, and the year. Control was - IS - everything.
My rear tyres have not changed since I first got my car. That means I've been running on them for four years now. The car slides a little even when I take corners at a mere 50km/h. Dangerous?
Fairly.
I'll change the tyres soon enough. For now, I'm enjoying the fact that there's little grip in them. Shit happens every once in a while - the car could slide when I don't want it to, when I'm not ready for it. And that's why I enjoy it. As reckless as it is, moments like those take away control from me, and allows me a single, life-changing chance to fight and get it back. And when I do, I remember that everything is within reach. Everything. I am capable.
Sure, there are other ways - different methods that'll provide you with the same result. But then, we each have different mediums. Different solutions. This is mine.
Life's a highway. Faulty brakes and tar as far as the eye can see. I can't stop the car, but I sure as hell can lift my foot off the accelarator and slow things down. I'll die on the road, and I'll never reach my destination - but I'll know that the journey was perfect.
Of course, what would a 22-year old know about life? Only as much as he's been through.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:24 PM 0 comment(s)
Boxes And A Little Bit Of Imagination.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Boxes are awesome.
Seriously.
Especially those big empty fridge boxes. Ever played in one as a child? Crap... whenever the family bought something new and it had a huge box to go with it, my brothers and I would play with the damn boxes for days (sometimes weeks) on end. No, I am not kidding you.
It was fun!
What I wouldn't give to be half my size... so I can play in boxes again.
>_>
What?
My brothers and I are still pretty much children. We take our toy guns and run around the house pretending to be ridiculously-loud super spies every once in a while.
We wrestle with one another in the hall and pretend to have superhuman powers (I often call myself Plague! I emit an aura that makes everything around me lose it's life force). We take our nerdy card games and play against one another constantly.
We often create up new characters and let our imaginations run wild with movie ideas and game ideas.
I'm too much of a kid to be twenty-two.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 2:22 PM 0 comment(s)
Chocobos.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I want a Chocobo. Or a Chocobo plushie.
Was just thinking of the game Final Fantasy 7 (old and incredible game), when the image of an overgrown yellow chicken came to mind (the Chocobo, duh).
Chocobos have been a part of every single Final Fantasy universe, and I'm thankful for that! What Final Fantasy game would be complete without the occasional "kweh!"? Hahaha!
For those of you that don't know, "kweh" is the sound a Chocobo makes. It's cute, trust me.
And then the games Chocobo's Dungeon and Chocobo Racing came to mind. Oh gosh, I played those games when I was so much younger. I loved exploring and looking for treasure in Chocobo's Dungeon, and I sure as hell loved racing and casting all sorts of spells on my opponents in Chocobo Racing.
Great games.
I want a Chocobo plushie :(
I'd put it in my car and bring it to bed with me. Seriously. I'm probably too old to sleep with it (also, seems a little creepy, no?), but what the heck.
I want a Chocobo plushie.
HAHAHAHA. I love them Chocobos.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:08 AM 0 comment(s)
Oh Bloody Hell...
Monday, November 10, 2008
... Katy Perry is so bloody attractive.
I know, I can't believe that I've only noticed now. But seriously - so attractive.
Her eyes and her smile remind me of someone though...
So attractive!
I might just be in love with her >_>
So attractive! *swoons*
I should shut up now.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:56 PM 1 comment(s)
Lie In Our Graves.
Friday, November 7, 2008
When you have a little more than 3GB worth of music from one particular band, you know very well that you've probably never listened to 70% of the songs there, though they may have played every once in a while, on your speakers or through those earphones, as you work on anything and everything.
As much of a fan of the Dave Matthews Band as I claim to be, I will admit here and now that of their 350 songs on my laptop, I've only listened to roughly... 60 songs? I use the word listen because it's not just a matter of hearing the music play - it's about understanding the song, feeling every beat pulsate through your body, allowing every key and every note to envelop you in a warmth that is only yours, and no one else's.
There are but a few songs that mean anything to me. Only a select few that have stirred enough of me to bring my eyes to a tear or two. I've highlighted two such songs on this blog many times - #41 by DMB, and Fire And Rain by James Taylor. In this moment today, I believe I have found myself one other - Lie In Our Graves, by DMB.
Ah. How do I describe the song?
Have you ever felt inspired and carefree, yet depressed and regretful at the very same time? It's a weird feeling, really. A little mix of Heaven and Hell... and sure enough, paradise is a place we're all living in.
That's what this song does to me.
It invokes old memories. It pulls every possible emotion in you to surface. It gives me everything I want, but holds from me everything I need. In its company I've found something which I have been looking for, though I have little clue to what it really is. Right here, right now... It's giving me something which even those closest to me can't offer.
Whether this song should remain this way to me for the years to come is a question I won't answer, but for now... It's come at the right time.
Even if I should cry tonight, I know I'd still be smiling.
For a moment, I felt like sharing the exact song here. Then I realized that putting up a 20-minute, 40MB song was likely to be an effort that would come to waste. If you're interested, look for the one from their concert at The Gorge, Washington - a 7 hour concert played over 3 nights. Amazing.
If only they'd stop visiting Australia and come to Malaysia instead.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:13 PM 0 comment(s)
Grace Is Gone.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight,
It's 2am, I'm drunk again,
It's heavy on my mind.
Where it ends, where I begin,
Like a river flowing through.
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong? Cause I don't need to think.
My grace is gone.
One more drink and I'll move on.
One drink to remember, another to forget.
'Scuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong, I don't need to think.
My grace is gone.
One more drink and I'll move on.
Another drink and I'll be gone.
One more drink,
My grace is gone.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:18 PM 0 comment(s)
An End to Plugged Ears.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The F1 season has come and gone. Last night, stations around the world aired the final race of the season - one full of tension and expectations.
Lewis Hamilton won the Driver's Championship, making him the youngest ever F1 driver to win a championship. Ferrari, once again... drove home with the Constructor's championship.
I would've liked McLaren to win the constructor's instead - I'm not really bothered about the driver's championship. But you make the best of what you've got, no?
A hearty congratulations to Hamilton. Much deserved.
You know what I'm a little upset about? I completely forgot about the race last night.
That's right - I didn't watch it. I was greatly anticipating it (as all the races in this season have been wild and exciting), and at the end of the day...
Sigh.
And to think, I was up till 5am... with nothing to do.
Till next year.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:27 PM 0 comment(s)
A Tag Here, A Tag There.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
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Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:11 PM 2 comment(s)