Me.
Challenge.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
On the field, there are two kinds of people.
Alive, or dead.
How then do we separate the two? Or maybe, a more fitting question would be: how do we stay as one, and avoid being the other?
Simple.
The dead are there because they were alone.
The dead are there because individualism was their trade.
The dead are there because they weren't good enough.
We don't die. We survive.
At the end of the day, we are what you could not hope to be.
Why?
Because we have as much faith in our companions, as we do ourselves.
You cannot hope to kill ghosts.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:05 PM 3 comment(s)
Caught Between The Moon and a Familiar Place.
Monday, April 28, 2008
The colours on the walls are fading. The fireplace is out, and the heat is escaping. It's become cluttered, furniture in every place. I rather miss the clean and spaciousness of what once was. Too many photographs hang on the wall, yet on the floor there are empty frames to fill.
I sit in comfort, but I know this won't last long. Cracks in the windows, and an open door. An invitation? Perhaps. I guess a change of scenery is what's best. I've been sitting in this room for too long. I'll get up, and my feet will lead me out of here.
A scarf around my neck, the stars on my back. I'll keep my arms folded, say goodbye. When I'm done, I'll stay standing tall...
... Looking in from the outside.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 7:21 PM 0 comment(s)
Lead In My Back.
Friday, April 25, 2008
I'm coughing my lungs out.
It's been a long and tiring day. Spent almost all of it tutoring Gillian for her Malaysian Studies exam tomorrow. Bah. You'll do well enough Gillian. I'm sure of it.
Alright, just coughed my right lung out. Great.
I just watched The Pursuit of Happiness yesterday. I know I'm rather outdated, but I have to say: it's a really touching movie. Will Smith was excellent. I want to watch it again. I know I have a DVD of it lying somewhere around the house... Knowing it's somewhere is one thing. Finding it is another. Damn.
My left lung is now halfway up my throat. Shouldn't be long till it's out now.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:57 PM 0 comment(s)
Until.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Still I lurk, a shadow in this world.
And I wait.
And wait.
Till the time is right.
Till the feeling fades.
Till certainty becomes me.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:37 PM 0 comment(s)
A Familiar Flashback.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I wasn't ready.
Midterm was horrible. All in all, I'm looking at 38/100... maximum.
Disappointing.
No excuses. The blame is my own.
I will have to push really hard on my coming assignments.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:03 PM 3 comment(s)
Frustrations.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I am not ready.Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:22 PM 0 comment(s)
Mmmz.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Uhh...
My friend, the Portunese.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:16 PM 1 comment(s)
Unlock.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
It's all just a learning process.
When does knowledge turn to wisdom, or when logic becomes rationale?
They are alike in so many ways, yet they are not the same.
It's all just a learning process.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:29 PM 0 comment(s)
VIC CBOX PLOX.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
VIC CBOX PLOX.
SPAM SPAM SPAM.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:56 AM 0 comment(s)
Read One Get Another Free.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I feel so tired these days, and it doesn't help that it seems to grow with each passing day.
It's getting more and more difficult to stay focused on any one thing. My concentration is divided, and this mentally exhausting.
I need to find a way to get my focus back.
I have an assignment due this coming Saturday. Honestly speaking, this is one of the most difficult assignments I have faced since I began studying in HELP. All I have to do is do a lot of research, but the trouble with this is in the topic itself: when studying the design and concept of cache systems, and how they stand in the memory hierarchy. Normally this wouldn't be too difficult, but there is an exception this time around.
My lecturer wants us to do this assignment as though it were a thesis paper for our Masters. I am not bloody joking. This is why it's difficult for me, because there is a lot of expectations to be met here. Gone are the days of 5 page assignments with double spacing. With this assignment, it's about 15 pages, single spacing.
I'm going bald.
Thankfully, it's a group effort - so the burden is lessened considerably. And of course, I have very able group mates: Collin and Thilagan. Thank goodness.
On another note...
I'll be tying my stomach in the coming months. I've decided on doing this in my bid to save up money to do certain modifications to my car, to enhance its drivability. I consulted Aliff the other day on the price range of certain parts, as well as the best way to go about modifying it. Needless to say, the information provided by him greatly helped me with planning this whole thing. However, before I decided anything for myself, I had to get the approval of my father. He said he didn't mind, so that took gave me the green light to start.
It doesn't end there.
After explaining to him my plan (I will modify my car in stages, over a maximum period of one and a half years - performance only, no cosmetic modification), he told me this:-
"Instead of modifying it, why don't you go and trade it in or sell it off? Then just get the Satria Neo."
... This caught me by surprise. Not only did I have the green light to modify my car, I now have the chance of getting myself a brand new Satria Neo.
I'm back on the fence now.
What do I do?
It must be understood, that despite me wanting a new car - the fact remains that I am dearly attached to my current "Black Knight". It is, after all, my first car. My car. Owner: Adam. Me. Mine. Giving this up is quite difficult to do. So the question lingers: do I scrap the old and get fuzzy with the new, or do I forgo a shiny new temptation and stick to what has come to be an extension of me?
Decisions.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:54 PM 0 comment(s)
A Distant Yawn.
It was 9 on a Sunday morning.
The sunlight danced through the windows and bathed the room in serenity. The fan spun ever so slowly above, and the air was cool.
I was sound asleep, enjoying what I knew was a wonderful dream.
So peaceful. So warm.
...
... And then the phone rang.
And I awoke. I couldn't go back to sleep after. And I can't remember what I dreamed of.
Thank you Gillian.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:55 AM 0 comment(s)
Something New.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I am eagerly anticipating the release of Battlefield Heroes. It's Battlefield, with graphics similar to Team Fortress 2! Now tell me you don't want to play that.
But wait, there's more.
According to a news release by EA, the game can be played on platforms with processor speeds of 1.6Ghz, 512Mb RAM, and the most awesome of all: INTEGRATED GRAPHIC CHIPS ON LAPTOPS. Such low requirements for what looks to be a really interesting game.
Oh, I haven't told you the most interesting part about it: the game will be released this summer (umm, not sure when that is for us - I'm such a douche), and will be free to download and play from the Battlefield website.
I think I just wet myself.
I've been getting a little tired of the more serious games I play, like Call of Duty 4. COD4 is awesome and all, but sometimes it's just a little too serious. This explains why I played with C4s in a few sessions, despite it putting me on the bottom of the score sheet more often than not.
Just a few more months! Battlefield Heroes!
... I wonder if I can mow down soldiers with airplanes.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:36 PM 1 comment(s)
Doubt.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Hello world.
I'm going on to be twenty two years of age, and I have come to see that I am no longer sure of what I want for my future.
It was not too long ago that I still had the confidence in me to complete my Diploma, and progress into completing my Degree. I have been sure - for a number of years now - that what I truly want (as a career), is to teach. I have always wanted to be a lecturer, a professor. An educator.
I had many reasons for pursuing such a path, and it had much to do with how I was, in my younger and nonchalant days.
It has been a couple of months now since I had enough confidence in me to say that this was what I wanted to be, and this was what I was studying for.
Everyday I question myself a little bit more. And everyday my doubt grows.
Do I have it in me? Is this what I truly want for myself? And if it isn't, what do I do now? Do I drop my bags and start another journey, or do I plow on?
I have come to the stage in my life where I no longer have the luxury of time. I am at that point in my life, where I crave certainty over anything else.
I don't want to assure myself that I am on the right track, simply because I am running out of time. I don't want to tell myself that I am able, and end up screwing over the lives of those with a hunger for education. I will not allow myself to commit such an act.
I am often envious of those around me - those who exude a sense of knowing and confidence in the path they are set on. I have many such friends, and often I ask myself: "Why can't I be more like them?"
Though I am able to comprehend the troubles around me, it's almost too difficult to comprehend the troubles within.
I have only just begun, yet strangely, I am at an end.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:42 PM 0 comment(s)
Caught in an Open Space.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Trials and tribulations. Trials and tribulations. Trials and tribulations.
I heard.
It's a mix of feelings now. I'm shocked. I'm frustrated. But most of all..
I don't understand how you could bring yourself to be so irresponsible. I can't comprehend how you could do what you've done. Have you seen nothing in the past year? Have you not shared the difficulty?
How can you look into our eyes and tell us all those lies?
I stood up for you, countless times. Now I realize it was all without reason.
None of us will ever look at you the same way.
No one is angry with you for the things you've done, and the stories you've told. Anger isn't the right emotion.
We're disappointed. Deeply disappointed.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:02 PM 0 comment(s)
A Blast from the Past.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Yes! Spent my time watching one of my favourite movies: the Back to the Future series!
The BttF series is genius. Not was. Is.
Suddenly I'm in the mood to watch the Indiana Jones series. That was bloody awesome too.
*sings to the tunes of BttF*
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:50 PM 0 comment(s)
Class with the Indian and Portunese.
Saturdays.
It's the day where I have to face that subject I dread most, BMC204. It's also the day that I get to spend laughing myself into pain - because Thilagan on a Saturday is one hell of a time.
Below is part of the conversation between Thilagan, Collin and myself.
Collin: Angel is hot weh.
Me: Yea. She's incredibly sweet dude.
Thilagan & Collin: *nods of approval*
Thilagan: Marcia dey Marcia.
Me: Bloody hot.
Collin: Eh. How you both know Angel ah?
Thilagan: Weng Chi is what you call "friends with benefits".
*continued bursts of laughter*
SCREW YOU LA THILAGAN. EVERY BLOODY SATURDAY YOU MAKE ME CRY FROM LAUGHTER. SHIT LA.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:26 PM 1 comment(s)
BMC204
Friday, April 4, 2008
My head is spinning, and that doesn't go well with me.
Alright, enough with stating the obvious.
BMC204 is the subject code for Computer Systems Engineering. Sounds a little sophisticated.
No, actually - it really is sophisticated. Or maybe the right word is: complicated?
When I first started studying the subject, I was jumping for joy - because the subject outline seemed fairly simple to go through, and of course... Studying an engineering subject seemed like quite a feat.
What started as a happy moment, is now gray and a torture.
It's the hardest bloody subject I've ever done. I stare into my textbook and all I see is a wall of text. A huge wall of text. What the hell is this?!
Though I may not really show it, I am incredibly stressed out. I don't think I'm cut out for this.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:53 PM 0 comment(s)
2AM on a Wednesday.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Hullo people.
I am downloading Worms: Armageddon for my laptop.
Do you know what this means?
INCOMING!! *swoooooooooooooosh!!*
This is going to be so much fun.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:58 AM 0 comment(s)