Me.
Doubt.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Hello world.
I'm going on to be twenty two years of age, and I have come to see that I am no longer sure of what I want for my future.
It was not too long ago that I still had the confidence in me to complete my Diploma, and progress into completing my Degree. I have been sure - for a number of years now - that what I truly want (as a career), is to teach. I have always wanted to be a lecturer, a professor. An educator.
I had many reasons for pursuing such a path, and it had much to do with how I was, in my younger and nonchalant days.
It has been a couple of months now since I had enough confidence in me to say that this was what I wanted to be, and this was what I was studying for.
Everyday I question myself a little bit more. And everyday my doubt grows.
Do I have it in me? Is this what I truly want for myself? And if it isn't, what do I do now? Do I drop my bags and start another journey, or do I plow on?
I have come to the stage in my life where I no longer have the luxury of time. I am at that point in my life, where I crave certainty over anything else.
I don't want to assure myself that I am on the right track, simply because I am running out of time. I don't want to tell myself that I am able, and end up screwing over the lives of those with a hunger for education. I will not allow myself to commit such an act.
I am often envious of those around me - those who exude a sense of knowing and confidence in the path they are set on. I have many such friends, and often I ask myself: "Why can't I be more like them?"
Though I am able to comprehend the troubles around me, it's almost too difficult to comprehend the troubles within.
I have only just begun, yet strangely, I am at an end.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:42 PM