Me.
12 Apologies.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Hi. Bye. A look in the right direction, possibly a nod of acknowledgment, and the rest is quiet. Perfect strangers in a familiar place. Perfect strangers and a familiar face.
To an extent I admit that it led to this because of my own doing. As few have told me - I gave in too much. And somehow that came around and stung me in the back - I was someone else, to be called upon when needed.
The blame is mine, if not entirely.
It's been on my mind - my family, my friends, me. How I have so much of a good thing but I can't seem to give it the right amount of credit. And for that I needed to type out this post.
My name is Adam, and though I put up a brave front everyday of my life, the truth of the matter is - I'm a coward. And I don't have enough guts to tell anyone of you face to face, what you will read below. So please, forgive me of irresponsibility, if just for one more time.
To my best friend, a deserving apology. For changing to the point that you felt I was someone else - someone you couldn't recognize. For letting it all get to me, and affecting this small but worthwhile friendship. For keeping so much in, and never sharing a single thing.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
To my family, those my life has been centered around. When in the company of my friends I laugh, I smile, but I never show my fangs. And though none of you ever deserved it, I often lashed out at you, specifically my two brothers - because I had nowhere else to vent my frustrations.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
To my friends - the people who've filled my college life with so much colour. There have been so many times that I've brought my insults too far, that I've said things to spite. I know, that though they may not admit it to my face, I have - at times - been too harsh, to the likes of Amir, Victor, Aliff, and few others. And there have been times, that I've lost track and created a distance between those I am closest to - where I chose to hide and give little care. I've been a fool, and as odd as it is, you're all still willing to sit around me and share my company. That is a rare thing, and I'm truly lucky. For all my sins against you...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
And finally. To myself... For losing that spark. That fire. For losing that faith - that everything works out for the better, that there isn't such a thing as "giving up", and "losing control". For doubting myself. For wanting to be someone else.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 11:06 PM