I used to think that I could do whatever I wanted, however I wanted. I used to feel like I had it all, that I was unstoppable. I used to feel like the road was mine, and that I could drive my way around anything and everything.
I was that confident.
I’ll be honest – I was that confident for a reason. I did know a few tricks, and I believed in my abilities more than I believed the Sun would rise tomorrow.
I was overconfident.
It’s been three months since, and today I’m a very different man. I hide it as best as I can from the people around me – I doubt anyone can tell that I’m insanely afraid of driving. Every little bump in the road makes my heart jump – I often find myself wiping away the sweat off my palms whenever I step out of the driver’s seat. I used to be the kind of guy that hated being in the passenger seat – I always wanted to be the one in control, and secretly I always wanted to be the one to show off. These days I find myself in the passenger seat almost too often, and I’m comfortable there. Very comfortable.
Contrary to what people may think, my driving habits have severely changed. My family still thinks I drive like I’m late for my wedding, but the truth is I’ve never driven slower. My average speed? 60KM/H. On the highway.
I know now that I am not what I think I am, that I can’t really do what I thought I could. I was always much too eager to prove myself, much too eager to keep up, much too eager to show off.
I lost my love for driving somewhere in the past three months. But the story doesn’t end on a sad note – today I found that love again.
No, I wasn’t speeding away. No, I wasn’t sliding all over the place. I was still travelling at a snail’s pace, and I was much too careful around corners to allow my car even the slightest of slides. But it was a great drive nonetheless.
I loved the feel of the road, and I loved the time spent just being in that driver’s seat. It took me a good fourty minutes or so to reach home (when it should only take fifteen minutes – at a safe and respectable speed), and I enjoyed every single minute of it. Every single one.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m still not over my fear of driving. But it’s a start. At the very least, I’m finally a little more comfortable there. At the moment, I’m not interested in going back to being able to hold my own at high speeds, or slide a car through corners without breaking a sweat – no, not at all. At the moment, I don’t feel like pushing myself – I just want to stroll on through, and I want to take in the view. It’s so much better this way.
So much better.
