Nuts & Bolts

Mad Season.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - and I coulda been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down?

Well I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - I think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why you gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'd come around

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone
In this mad season

I feel stupid, but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on
You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

And now I'm cryin'
Isn't that what you want?
And I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't, no,
At times I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I feel stupid
And I come undone
And I come undone

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

Well I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - I'm a child and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
I come undone
I come undone in this mad season

In this mad season
It's been a mad season
Been a mad season

- Matchbox Twenty

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:08 PM 0 comment(s)  

Crapdangit?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I walked out of the office, after what I perceived to be a successful interview. I turn on my phone, lo and behold! Missed calls from Thilagan. Wanting to know what was so important that he had to call me three times, I called back. The ensuing conversation? Look down south.

"Hello. Why'd you call?"
"Oh nothing la macha. I was just dying, and with my last breath I wanted to say goodbye to you. Too late now la dey."

=___________="

Stupid bloody Indian. Unfortunately I'm only taking one class with him this semester, and none of those classes fall on a Saturday morning. Though I guess I'll still be getting high on laughter.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:16 PM 0 comment(s)  

When the Court Jester made the King cry.
Monday, July 28, 2008

"Do you still...?"
"... Yea."
"Is it...?"
"It is. Not really something that can go away so easily, right?"
"I guess. I just think it's unhealthy.. if it stays for too long."

It's not healthy - I can't get that thought out of my mind. I know I need to get over it, but it's one of the most difficult things to do.
I guess I've not had it for too long. And now I fear that I miss it more than anything else. I want it more than anything else.

And the worst part is... I think I need it, more than anything else.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 6:43 PM 0 comment(s)  

An Almost Complete Understanding.
Sunday, July 27, 2008

Our lives are dictated by the questions we ask. Whether it be simple questions like "will it rain today?", or the more important ones like "where am I going?" - every single question we have tells us where to go, what to do, and how to do it.

When we run out of questions, we don't just run out of answers - we run out of hope.
It's the questions in our lives that keep us pushing - no matter how trivial, no matter how important - they keep us looking for the answers we want, and often the answers we need.

Every new day holds a new question. And every new question - one possible answer.
An answer that could drown us in sorrow, or one that could plaster the biggest smile on our faces. For better or worse, I'll ask what I can, and hope that I die before I run out of questions.

So the next big question is...

... What's next?

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:13 PM 0 comment(s)  

One Truth.
Saturday, July 26, 2008

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:19 PM 0 comment(s)  

The Unanswered Question.
Friday, July 25, 2008

I could turn stone to sand, and hold back the seven seas
I would climb the aging mountains, and hold you to the breeze
I'd do most anything, an exaggeration this is not
A mortal man with immortal will, drowned only by your gaze, cold as steel.

One question, one hundred times
One hundred questions, one time
Too many methods, a single result

Till you learn that there isn't a need for secrets
This waiting game I'll continue to play
Be patient, don't let this resolve sway.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:03 PM 0 comment(s)  

Into A Lion's Den.
Thursday, July 24, 2008

There's no point delaying it any further. What needs to be said, should be said - no matter the outcome. I'll clear things up tomorrow, and pray their disappointment in me won't affect me too much.

It's difficult, but I can do this. I had the guts to let my feelings be known to a certain someone (and that was... an incredibly difficult thing to do), why would this be any more difficult than that?

Get it together Adam, this is easy.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 10:01 PM 0 comment(s)  

Frozen Parts.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Things haven't been too good lately, and the weather hasn't really helped me. Now I'm down with the flu, and a fever is catching on. Fairly annoying that it should come at this time - my classes have started.

Bah.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 3:06 PM 0 comment(s)  

Unwanted Parts.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Don't misunderstand the intentions of my actions, for I do what I do because I care - and I do not care because I must, but because I can.
I care for only a few - and of those few, fewer do I love.
Allow me what you perceive to be my misgivings - whether it be the names I use, the questions I ask, or the attention I give - they are but habits of mine, a part of who I am.
And if still I should be asked to change for them, then I shall - though I pray.. I pray you do not deny me your company then, simply because I am no longer the exact same person who was with you all this while.


Remove these nuts and bolts, one at a time - and hope that it's only for the better.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 12:12 AM 0 comment(s)  

A Mouthful of Empty.
Monday, July 21, 2008

It's out, and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

Disappointment, frustration, a little bit of regret - emotions that won't linger around for too long, I hope. It's a first for me, and I'm not too sure how to deal with it.

What do I do now? I can't find it in me to tell my parents just yet. Yes, I'll tell them - soon enough. I guess I'll wait for the letter to come in and then let things go its way.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 8:11 PM 0 comment(s)