Me.
Tears.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Adam: I get tears rolling down my cheeks every time I yawn.
Victor: ... it shows you should cry more often.
The fan spun ever so slowly over me. I lay in bed, my eyes probing the ceiling for anomalies.
The song I so adored played in between my ears.
Victor's words swirled in my head.
"... it shows you should cry more often."
I was there as the tears of some of my friends flowed freely down their cheeks.
I have sat at my seat as others lamented about other friends cry their hearts out.
Some say crying is for the weak.
That it doesn't show strength.
A lack of resolve.
I've always said I saw it in a different light.
Being able to cry in the presence of others, or even in solitude, is something I've always thought only the brave and bold could do. Only those who cared enough, who had enough resolve to lead themselves through the tiring times had the ability to cry.
Some have told me of how it is such a weird way of looking at things.
We each have our opinions and experiences.
I haven't cried in a long time.
And there have been so many moments in the past year where my mind, body and soul just screamed for the tears to flow.
But it never did.
Nothing flows.
I feel so hopeless, so angry, so depressed at times that I anticipate my face to be covered in that cold liquid. But somehow or another, that which I want most is something that can never come to light.
I'll tell you one truth: I envy those that can cry. Crying helps. A moment of respite from that which has choked us of the breath we so dearly need.
Still I stare to the ceiling. I feel the wave come upon me, the walls behind my eyes ready to break down and drown my cheeks. Then I close my eyes for a moment... and the wave pulls away, leaving me wide eyed, with not a tear to shed.
Not an emotion to stir.
Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 9:27 PM