Nuts & Bolts

Clarity.
Saturday, July 21, 2007

Last night, after typing out my last blog post... I got to thinking. I had a lot run through my mind, and all in all it was a pleasant experience. My memory is rather fuzzy right now, but I'm going to try my best to share with you here, what I came to understand last night.

Before setting to bed last night, I went out again. A slow, solemn drive... back down to Damansara. Although there was barely any light to illuminate my surroundings, I saw many things. Things that I never noticed before.
For 10 years now, I have spent almost everyday travelling down that same road. The one real connection between my home, to my friends and my education. To the bigger parts of my life. And all the while, I never took the time to look at anything else but the road.
Last night, I saw trees. Trees so large, they must've been there for at least 20 years. Some full of leaves, other withered and old - with nothing more but large nests keeping them company.
I saw hills. Lush, green, almost untouched. I watched carefully as the mist rolled off their shoulders, and into the deeper parts of the night.
I saw the clouds that covered the sky. Throughout the darkest of night, I still managed to see the outline - so clear. You would've thought that the moon was out. But it wasn't.


So much to see. All in one short journey. One short journey which I've lived half my life through. They were always there. All of it.
I just never took the time to notice any of them. I was too busy moving. Too busy trying to get where I wanted to go.
I took all of it for granted. I couldn't appreciate the simple beauty that accompanied me all this while.

Till last night.


It's acceptable, for that which is always with us... may it be family, friends, the Sun, or even the very air we breathe - it's easy to forget that it's always there. And what it means to us.
It may take the loss of something so important to make us realize that we should have shown more appreciation for it. Or it may just take a moment of clarity.

We're not to blame. Taking things for granted is something that's in every single one of us - it's just a matter of realizing this, and overcoming it. We may not truly know it, but it happens. To us? To those we love and care for? Or to the simple things in life?


And what if we realize it too late? What if... we end up losing that which we never knew we needed so much?

What then?

We can wallow in our own sense of despair. Or we can move on, and strive for a better tomorrow.
We're allowed our moments. We're allowed to fall.
But we've got to remember to get back up, dust ourselves off, and make sure we don't make the same mistake.
This may not make sense to some of you, but... There will always be a little light, even in the darkest of rooms.
And if we ever get consumed by our emotions, it's always comforting to know that we'll have people with us, waiting to put a smile on our faces. As long as we don't push them away, we'll all grow to be much stronger people.


It took me a while, but I realize now that I really do love her. Though, not in a romantic sense. I've come to realize that I'm not in love with her. No, not at all.
What was it then? I guess... I was stuck in a moment, in a state of mind. How do I explain it?
I care for her more than I would anyone else, but that's as far as it goes. I guess, in a way... I was being selfish. I wanted to take care of someone, to cover up my own insecurities. And it just so happens that she was there.
At least now, I'm no longer fighting confusion over my feelings for her. At least now... I know. And if I am to take care of her, or anyone for that matter... it'll only be for them, not me.




The quoted sentences are lines from the song #41, from which my moment of clarity was inspired with.

Given a certain level of thought byAdam Dewind at 1:27 PM  

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